A Do or A Don't

Carrying condoms.  A Do or a Don’t?

What is the judgment on a man carrying a condom in his pocket/wallet/jacket? 

A.      Safety First

B.      What a MORE

C.      At least he is prepared  

D.      It is his job to supply the condom

After I judge I also wonder:

     A.      How old is it?  Is it better if it is old, or if it is new? 
     B.    How does he even know if I like that kind?  (Invariably, the condom that comes out to the bar is the super textured version which in my frank opinion, is not that pleasurable).

I guess the real takeaway is to not sleep with a guy that you met at the bar.  And if you do….. Have your own condoms on hand if you are worried about the brand/style/age/effectiveness of what he may supply. 

And do you know what do not work?  Cotton/lace condoms.  So be smart. 

Dating Dictionary

More.   Adjective.  

An abbreviation of the phrase “Man-Whore.”

Use it in a sentence:

I could tell he was a More by his dance moves.

He was such a More, he only called me after bar close. 

We all know More’s and maybe we even love them.  Just be careful. 

The Tingles

This is a follow up post to my Quick Like a Band-Aid post.   I should clarify that I was on the receiving end of the rejection in that story.  Apparently being with me did not give the guy a warm tingly feeling in his stomach, and that absence means that we will never get married and should not be dating.  Shoot. 

I was super shocked to get a phone call from him the night after he said he would not be calling me again.  I was imagining him realizing that he acted rudely the night before and was feeling badly and wanted to do something to make it right. I was unable to pick up at the time and a few minutes later I got a text from him. 

“I was just seeing if you wanted to come over…Make out for awhile or something”

Really?! 

I guess I inspire tingles elsewhere. 

The Importance of Courting

Courting is an old fashioned term for something that I fear is becoming old fashioned.  Courting is more than dating.  It is not about the romance quotient in a relationship. Courting is making everyday life something special with the person that you are in a relationship with. 

Making breakfast for your girl on a Sunday morning should not stop after you have seen each other naked seventeen times.  Even better, make breakfast on a Tuesday morning.   Leave a note in a bagged lunch, tell them you like them in that shirt, blow dry your hair in a room that will not wake him up in the morning, put their slippers on their feet when they have forgotten, kiss her cheek instead of her lips, redbox a movie he has been wanting to see, help before you are asked. 

It is important to have a balance in a relationship and in the courting process.  Courting is not a contest, it is not graded on a point system, and it is not to be used as a bargaining tool.  

Courting is having grand gestures, small gestures, words, and actions come together to communicate the state of your relationship. 

If you find yourself doing all of the courting, you are in trouble. 

Dating on a Budget

It is acceptable to choose a place based on their $5 appetizers or two for one drinks. These are not coupons, these are "specials."

What about Groupon on a date.  Are they a Yea or Nay?  With careful set-up, I am voting Yea.  Coupons on a first date are a no.  Coupons on a second date are a no.  Coupons on the third date are a maybe. 

My opinion is that a coupon can be a good excuse for a date.  “Hey, I have a Groupon for a sushi place I’ve been interested in checking out. Do you want to go this week?”  

If you have not told your date you have a coupon, you are not allowed to pull it out when the check comes.

If it is a Groupon for a couples portrait session, you better just borrow my cat for it. 

Quick Like Band-Aid

Here is a helpful post about how to end things with someone.  This is for those situations where it is not a break-up but you can no longer comfortably disappear off the face of the earth. Start with these nine  words: “I don’t think we should see each other anymore.” Say this immediately after saying hello so there is no confusion that you may be calling to plan a date. 

Then throw her/him a bone.  Say something like, “I really do like you.” Follow this with a “But Statement.”  The but statement gives everyone something to feel good about (the phrase that precedes the But) and still allows you tell the harsh truth;  “but I’m just not feeling it.” My rule on those “But Statements” is that it will  negate everything that immediately preceded it.    As my girlfriend says: Damn the but.

After you clarify that casual movie watching (my blog metaphor for sex)  is for sure not on the table, and in the middle of the other person jabbering about their own feelings on the situation, get yourself off the phone as quickly as possible.  Ending the conversation with 100% honesty is really important and the other person should thank you for managing their expectations so clearly, yet gently.  Something like, “I’ve got to run, I’ll call you later.  Actually, no, I probably won’t.”

Six minutes and six seconds later, you will be back in the game.  Without the recipe for delicious cookies that were delivered warm to  your house last week. 

Good luck with your calls! 

A Second Date

I went on the second date with the guy I was set up with by my sister and his sister.  The title of this blog is not “My Second Date Stories” but I thought this one deserved a blog reference.  

There was a question a few weeks ago about when to go on a second date if you do not think there is a spark. I decided this guy deserved a second chance, he had seemed a little nervous on the first date and it was our sisters idea that we go out in the first place.  I had the time and availability, why not say “yes.”  

My original instinct was correct—no spark.  We spent quite a bit of time discussing fishing.  Luckily (toot toot),  I can hold my own in a fishing conversation having a fascination with going ice fishing (winter date idea?!) and the fact that I won a fishing contest three summers ago.  Even though I could hold my own, discussing fishing while I eat a swordfish steak is not my idea of good table talk. 

I did not give my best date. I wanted to see if he would step-up his game and if he did not, I wanted to manage his impression of where I was in the interest level.  
   
Overall, I think first impressions are the right impressions.  I was happy to go on this second date. I do feel bad that I let him pay for the dinner.   

The nice thing to do is to cut things off before you know how he compares to the theory and he learns what is under your push-up bra. 

 

Interview with a Gentleman

I wanted to learn more about romance, so I went to a good friend of mine and asked some simple questions. This gentleman is my go-to for answers on men and what is real and what is likely my crazy talking. 1.       Is romance dead? Is there any way for it to be not corny?
Romance is not dead at all. You can always find a unique way to show feelings. Sometimes romance can just be learning something new about each other. Romance is what you make it. If all you think of are movies, chances are it will be cheesy. Cheesy can be ok, but be sure to have wine and lingerie.

2. Who's job is it to be romantic? (for sure the man or for sure the woman's or eww romance)
Romance should not be a job. I learned long ago when you think of things as a job, you dread the work. Think of it as an adventure. When you are trekking through the jungle you both are scouting out new places and the scenery. Watch out for lions, tigers and bears.

3. What qualifies for a romantic gesture in your (a man’s mind)? (ie what do you do that you feel is romantic, and what has a woman done for you that has felt romantic)
To me,  romantic gestures can be simple as good morning and listing to the day-to-day life. However, we all want something bigger. I say something out of the normal routine is your best bet to make a lasting impression. Think of something you have not done, or have not done in awhile, and do it. My most memorable romantic gesture was a simple weekend trip. It was a trip to spend time together  with no agenda or people to see. Simply taking in the scenery and enjoying the moment and each other.

4.Do you appreciate when a woman does a romantic gesture, grand or otherwise?
I can appreciate a romantic gesture. Cards, notes and texts can go a long way.  

5.Any romantic stories that just make you cringe looking back on it now?
We all are young and learn from trial and error. Always get a second opinion before going through with a grand gesture. We all are better off with a reality check.  That is all I am going to say about that. 

 

How to pick 'em

Some things you know intrinsically and some things you learn through trial and error. 
 

To save all of you some precious time while you are on the dating merry go round, just waiting for the right stallion to come along, here are some lesser known signs that point to good boyfriend  potential:

1.       He has had a girlfriend for more than nine months within the last eighteen months.  See my post below on the theory of who makes a good lover.

2.       He cooks dinner for himself every night and packs a lunch for work.  Hello.   A man who cooks for himself can easily cook for two. 

3.       He has sisters.  Therefore he knows how to survive while living with a girl. 

4.       The sink is clean in his bathroom.  Explains itself.

5.       He does not consistently speak with all of his exs, but doesn’t hate them either.

6.       He has a pet.  Therefore he has the capacity to love unconditionally.

7.       There is artwork hung in his home.  Think of the honey-do list. 

8.       He still wants to hang out when you are not feeling well.

9.       You are torn between wanting to talk to him and wanting to watch movies make out with him. 

10. He knows that no means no and yes means OHMYGODLETSDOITRIGHTNOWOHGODYESYESYES
 

If you have picked up on other tell tale signs of a good boyfriend, please share them!

Another Theory

This post is the only time you will see the words “shorter, smaller, quicker” on my blog in reference to being a good thing for men in bed. 

My girlfriends and I have a new theory.   You may remember the last theory I shared with you here.

Men who have been in long term relationships are better lovers. 

Women always start out a physical relationship by telling lies (ohhh,  that was amazing ) in bed.  When a man starts hearing phrases suggested by magazine headlines such as, “Let’s try it like this” you know the secrets to her universe are being revealed. 

The ladies I talked to have found that the training and learning curve is much shorter, smaller, and quicker for men who have had a long term, monogamous, relationship.  A serial dater likely will not know the difference between performance art and genuine success no matter how many “day dates” they have been on. 

You might still tell a few lies in the beginning, but at least you are farther along in the training process.

* A special ‘Thank You’ goes out to the ladies who tossed those well trained men back into the dating pool. 

Dating Dictionary

Day Dating.  Verb.

The practice of starting and ending a whole relationship in a single span of time not to exceed 24 hours. 

The majority of the time spent getting to know each other takes place at a bar and then moves into the back of a taxi cab, against the front door, and under the covers. 

Use it in a sentence: 

I was so good at day dating when I was 25. 

             I day dated this weekend, I think she had red hair, but I can’t remember! 

I day dated a ton after my last breakup, but now I am pretty tired of it.

Day dating is like living in the movie Groundhogs Day.  You will forget that it even happened and continue to repeat the same mistakes until you tire of the game and become the person who deserves the man/woman of your dreams.   

First Date Story

I had a blind date on Monday.  Shocking I know.  This one was set up by our respective sisters who were neighbors for two weeks in this hospital with new babies.  Apparently they spent some time talking about their siblings and thought we should meet. 

I sent The Brother a quick email introducing myself.  I kept it vague but did reference a little of my resume: I enjoy checking out different places and events around town and I have some hobbies that keep me busy. I am pretty active during the week after work and use the weekend to recharge, though I am not opposed to weekend plans either. Oh, and I have a cat named Dolly. Let me know if you want to learn more or if you'd like to jump right in and plan a date.

Luckily, he wanted to jump right in.  We arranged to meet at a hotel bar halfway between our respective workplaces.  In this part of town, there is not much else to choose from.  The date had gotten there first (early) and gotten us a table in the back.  Since the bar was empty, the hostess very sweetly came up to me and asked if I was Megan let me know my date was waiting for me in the third booth.  Thanks hostess.  I could not have found him on my own. 

The date went along pretty smoothly.  Conversation was typical of a first date.  I was thankful for that because I really knew nothing about him.  We chatted about our sisters, new nieces, work, favorite restaurants, college,  wine tasting, hobbies, sibling dynamics, the upcoming holidays, and books. A nice thing I learned is that he is close with his family, particularly with his two younger sisters.  I think that it is more telling to look at how a man treats his sisters, rather than his mother, to see how he would treat a girlfriend.  Sisters can educate a brother on how the world works for women which can really cut down on the boyfriend training when you choose one of these men. 

I broke my own dating rule and had double booked myself with a second social commitment later that night.  Ninety minutes is long enough to budget for a first date so I did not feel too bad about having a set end time.  I was actually on-time for the date, so do not worry, no one got cheated. 

I was glad I got to meet this guy and I was thankful to my sister for thinking of my dating life while she had her hands full with many other things.  I found myself in the same quandary a reader had a few weeks ago; I am not feeling a romantic spark, and I have enough friends; do I invest in a second date? 

My tips for him:  Keep it up.  Do not be so nervous.   Try to reference your sisters even more frequently so your date knows that you are really that good of a brother and therefore prospective boyfriend.  

Tick Tock

I saw this during my internet browsing today:

If You Don’t Want to Really Kiss Her Two Hours in…

…there’s probably no love connection. I know that it can take women two or three dates to feel chemistry. We [men] don’t work that way. You should really want to kiss her, and if you don’t, it’s not a crime. Just be nice and enjoy the conversation.

WHAT?!  

I do not think of kissing until the second date.  There are exceptions but those exceptions usually occur on a night when you knock boots all five dates off the list. 

So.  I guess the first impression really is everything on a first date.   

My takeaway?  Be sure that you impress in less.    

 

Hey Sexy

I hate texting with strangers even more than I hate emailing with strangers.  I gave out my number to a 42 year old doctor because texting is easier for him.  Fine.  I will just imagine him saving lives and texting in between hand washings. 

The issue is his first text: “hey sexy”

I am cool with the phrase “hey sexy” when it is being said by my girlfriends or construction workers.  When it comes from a man who found me on the internet, its off-putting.  I judged it and him.  I am not a priss or a prude and I can appreciate some flirtatious back and forth. 

Sending “hey sexy” as a first text seems like something you would send at 12:30am when you are scheduling your backup plan if things did not work out for you at the bar that night.  This message was sent at 11am.  It also seems immature. 

Perhaps if I knew this guy better I would not judge it so harshly.  But he should have taken that “hey, we are strangers”  into account when he sent it, right? 

My advice:  A simple “Thanks for sharing your number.  How is your day going”  would have been enough to get the momentum going.  If you really want to get to know a girl and meet her in person, keep it classy. 

Stress Free Dating

Men say that they dump a girl when things get stressful.  Here are some common stressors.

1.       Planning a vacation

2.       Graduation

3.       Starting school again

4.       Having more than one girlfriend

5.       Buying a house

6.       Getting a new job

7.       Deciding  who’s family to spend the holiday with

8.       Trying to think of an appropriate gift for the upcoming occasion (Birthday, Christmas, Anniversary, A Promotion, Valentine’s Day)
 

Most of these situations above are unavoidable.  However, you can make them less stressful.

      1.       Have more sex. 

Seriously though.  When you date with a purpose, it can be stressful.  Real life is stressful and your boyfriend/girlfriend is a part of that.  Ideally your partner can mitigate some of the stressors but sometimes they will be on that list.  When that happens, the same solution applies.

If the stress is immediate after declaring yourselves exclusive movie watching partners, that is not a good sign. 

My advice:  think of your life with and without them.  Whatever scenario gives you more peace/perceived happiness is the one you should go with. 

Interview with a Gentleman

I try to make this blog accessible to both men and women. Since I am on my soapbox sharing my opinions, I thought I would give the men in my life the opportunity to share their own viewpoints on the dating process and what their advice/rules are.

Each week we will go further and further into exploring a date from a man's point of view.

This week’s interview is with a dear friend whom I have known for about eight years. He is tall, has a fondness for berets, blond, does P90X, has a job, wonderful parents, and owns a home. He is a great catch and lives in the Denver area.

1. How do you ask a girl out? (in person, email, phone call, text <-- bad idea btw)

If it's a new girl that I just met, I will always call to set something up for 2-3 days ahead. If it's someone I know, I have no qualms about sending a text to see what's up. Get with the times, a text is no big deal. We can't get into a texting conversation, but "Drinks tonight?" is OK to open the lines of communication.

2. How do you prep for a date? (internet stalking, interview friends, launder your lucky shirt, make reservations etc)

Shower and put on some clothes with a purpose. I might call a seasoned friend for a quick bit of advice to have on the top of my mind (my friend usually tells me, "confidence" and "act like you've been here before"

3. What signals do you look for to see if she likes you? (do you really look for hair playing and arm touching?! What else has Men's Health told you?!)

Physical contact is a no brainer, touching the arm or even better a leg. Women touch close to what they want; a shoulder or arm touch means they want to get close to your heart, a leg touch means they want to get close to your penis. If the date is a dinner or something, anytime they want to continue ie grab a drink, go back to watch some tv, etc, means there is some spark. Laughing together is what it's all about. If you have that, she's probably willing to explore further into what could be.

4. How do you let a girl know you like her on a date? (open doors, compliments, whatever else that might be subtle)

Girls are insecure and they all want what they can't have. So, girls, like play dough, can be easily manipulated. I like to throw out a "negative compliment". For example, "I think it's cute how you're nose scrunches up when you laugh" or my favorite one (if you've seen her before) "Oh, I love that shirt, I think you were wearing it the last time I saw you" Get the point? Then, prolonged physical contact. If you can hold something, (leading her by the hand to the bar, or even playing a game or magic trick or something where you are touching. That prolonged touch lets her know that you're interested, and it lets you know that she's willing to touch you, at least a little bit, and sometimes all you really need is a little bit.

5. Why did you take her on a date and not just call her at bar close on a Friday? (difference between a girl that is date-able and not just f-able)

As I get older, I look for more meaning in a relationship. Sex is great, but sex with love is on a whole new level. It's very tough to find a real connection with someone, but I look to take out people that I feel there might be a connection with, or that I'm just really attracted to, but honestly with the hopes that deeper meaning might come of it. If I'm looking for someone to F after the bars on Friday, I'll text you around 2:00am.

If you have recently been on a date any great takeaways for other ladies to keep in mind on a date?

For both men and women, I encourage boldness. If you want to hold hands, then take my hand. If you want to kiss, then lean on in. Don't be lame and make it about a date; let's have some fun, be real, and hopefully we want to see more of eachother when it's over.

Any funny stories from it?

My last date was to a Vietnamese restaurant two weeks ago. There was a guy sitting alone at a table, by the cash register, wearing all black. He was looking at me from the time I walked in, so I asked him for a table for two. Turns out he didn't work there, he was just a normal Vietnamese dude who was wearing the same black as the waiters. SHE thought it was hilarious.

 

 

 

 

 

She likes me, she likes me not

How to tell if a girl likes you on a date.

In the follow up with my friend after the date with Coworker, I learned that he was unsure if I “liked” him because I did not give off the signs touted by Men’s Health or Cosmo ie playing with my hair while chatting or finding an excuse to touch his arm.  I thought I remembered a touch on his leg, which would be a little more aggressive than an arm touch, but maybe I am remembering a different date….

Regardless, here are some other signs you can look for to see if a girl is into you. 

1.       She lets you try her drink

2.       The date lasts for more than 90 minutes

3.       She is engaged in the conversation

4.       She throws out a casual innuendo. Or two.  Flirty ones, not trashy. 

5.       She uses your name in conversation
6.    She offers to pay for all or part of the date
 

First Date Story

I had a date last week.  Now that I think about it, I had two dates in one.  The date was set up by my best friend.  She sent me this email:

Coworker is 31. He is super smart and really funny. Very much into eating healthy and working out and semi obsessed with obtaining a 6 pack which we all talk about at work. He has a small sail boat that he docks in Lake Calhoun in the summers. He is somewhat of an uptown hipster but not in an overly weird annoying way. If anything, he would definitely be a fun date. 

Attached were some photos; he looked tall enough and cute enough to spend a few hours with.  After a few emails we made a plan.  He did not read my rules of planning a date, both options were close to his house.  However, since he lives in a trendy area and one of the places has been on my list of bars to check out, I was game for heading in his direction. 

I got there first and apparently there was another blind date taking place because a waitress came up to me and asked if my name was Diana.  Thankfully, Coworker arrived shortly thereafter and we started the date. 

My friend was right and I did have quite a bit in common with the coworker.  My resume came in handy and we had a lot to chat about.  The conversation flowed, appetizers were enjoyed, and for cocktail number three, we moved over  to the game area of the bar.  The main reason we went to this place was for the skee ball.  Coworker was prepared with a pocketful of quarters which earned him a bonus point as I was totally unprepared and only found pennies and dimes in the bottom of my purse.  I lost the first game by quite a few points so Coworker offered to give me some pointers on my form.  First I thought it was an excuse to check out my rearview.  It turns out that his sister is a competitive skee-baller (is that the right label?) and he actually knew what he was talking about.   The final tally of games left me the loser, but I handled that with uncharacteristic grace and feel good about my chances if there is a rematch. 

On my way home, I realized that after three hours, we had done dates one and two on the list.  Yikes.  This is moving fast.  The next date is actually date #4 from the formula, a longer dinner, but it will be taking place at a restaurant.  It should be near impossible to combine dinner with brunch, unless of course, we watch a movie after dinner. 

MILF

I found this on the internet the other day.  Men marry women who look like their mothers.

“We found that there was no perceived facial similarity between women's partners and their fathers. However, men tended to pair more often with women that were perceived as resembling the men's own mothers."

Great.  Not only do we have to worry about turning into our own mothers (love you Mom!), we need to worry about turning into his as well. 

Reader Question

I got a question from a reader the other day:

I went on a date where I have no desire to see him again. He text me later that night and said he wanted to get to know me better and I text back that I honestly didn't feel a spark, and he replied "thanks for your honesty but I usually like to give it 2 dates because people are nervous on the first date". How do you let people down gently but honestly?

 

The guy in this situation has a point, people are usually nervous on the first date.  If you cannot get over your nerves in the first twenty minutes, it is likely that you are shooting way out of your league.  You have to earn the follow up, just as you would in an audition, job interview, or sales pitch. 

 

I am just imagining the nerves the man would have on the second date, knowing that you did not feel the spark on the first date!  If you have another two hours to waste and you are feeling generous, go for it. 

 

If you do not have the time or the inclination, here is what I would suggest.  Text him back and say “Thanks for the suggestion.  I hope my honesty saves us both some time.  It was very nice to meet you and good luck on your future dates!” 

 

Please, always respond to people who follow up after a date.  Its good karma. 

The New Normal

Is there a new normal that we should be aware of?  Listen to yourself in conversation while you talk about people of the opposite sex that you may be interested in.  How often do you say something like “she/he seems pretty normal”  and then go on to talk about their normal job, normal apartment, quirky friends, admirable hobbies, and so on. 

And then when it ends it’s usually because they were either a. An Asshole or B. A bitch. 

What happens in-between time?!

In the dating process I find myself struggling to find someone that I could even say “he seems pretty normal.”  I am finding a lot of what I would judge as “losers”

Is loser the new normal?  Or is the end of the internet just a popular place for men that are not my type? 

Judging from a distance

There are men that are young at heart and then there are men that are old.

How old is too old?  I promise you can recognize “too old” from a distance.  Signs that a man is not of your generation are not always visible to the naked eye .  You will need to look deeper.

 Do not judge by hair color.  Along those same lines, do not judge by hair volume.  While there are pills and creams to reverse both of these markers of age, not all men participate in the reversal of aging on the same scale that women do.  Which is too bad, but that may be a topic for another post.

Not all old men like scotch.  They can still be seen ordering a captain and coke at a busy bar. 

The crowd in a bar at 2am has an equal chance of being made up of men over forty as it does of  men under twenty.  The men over forty are easier to entice out onto the dance floor.  They also usually have the cash on hand to get you a cab home.

The quickest way to determine age  is to engage the man in a conversation about sports.  If they reference favorite players/playoff/stadiums that played/happened/were torn down before you were born, they might be a generation or two older than you. 

If the conversation goes on long enough, you can wait for the man to reference a favorite tv show.  If that show happens to be anything that is viewable after 9pm on cable, he might be too old for you.  In today’s terms, that means if he watched Seinfeld (when it was new), Melrose Place, Dallas, Cheers, or has never heard of Gossip Girl, he may be old.  This does not mean that he falls in the “too old” category. 

If he is up past midnight and 6'1", I would give the thumbs up to at least grabbing brunch. 

The Theory

You know the joke about how men are like snowstorms?

My girlfriends and I developed this forecasting theory after years of field research.  We compiled all of our observations and notes and came up with this. 

If a man is between the height of 5’10” and 6’1” you will be guaranteed a satisfyingly sized male appendage.

 If a man is above or below these heights, it is a crapshoot.  Trends seem to dictate that there are more variations and small surprises on the taller side of the scale. 

Gentlemen.  Is there a similar theory out there for women?  I don’t envy you the surprise of finding out what is under a quality push up bra. 

FYI The research team is compiled of really nice young women.  Who talk a lot.    

Princess in Training

So, I got this message today. 

I am looking for a fun and intelligent woman, someone that have a good head on her shoulder and can be my princess, call xxx-xxx-xxxx.

I hopped right over to his profile to learn more.  He is very open about treating his women like a princess, but he does not go into details on what exactly princess treatment is.  So I emailed him:

Your profile does not have much information on it. You seem like a nice guy, What else are you looking for in a woman? How do you make her feel like a princess?

His response:

I like to take care of women and show her a good time, I want you to be yourself, if you want to talk call me at xxx-xxx-xxxx

Lame.  I wanted to hear details of oysters for breakfast and caviar for lunch.  He seems to be fishing for dirty pictures. 

Should I call and finagle myself a date?  If he offers to take me to Applebee’s, I am going to decline. 

Ask the Blogger

A reader emailed me this question:

Who picks place/date/time of the date?  If you live in different areas of town, do you have to meet in the middle? 

The logistics of dating is tough.  Obviously I have some opinions on the above questions. 

Here are the rules:

1.       A first date is not to be a hassle.

Parking, a spot to sit, and talking at a conversational volume should not be difficult at the chosen location. 

2.       The person who does the asking also needs to do the picking. Date, place, and time. 

It is allowable to put out 2-3 ideas for locations and leave the final decision up to the person who does the accepting.  When you put out the location ideas, it is polite to offer to go to the other person’s area of town.

     3.       The person accepting must not muddy the waters with even more location suggestions.  Date and time is negotiable.
 

4.       Do not double book yourself.  You will never make it to the second date or evening appointment that you scheduled.  I promise.

Personal Resume

The hardest thing about dating is that it requires you to update your resume.  You need to become interesting again.  You need hobbies and interests outside of work that you can reference for what is typically the first question on a first date:

What do you do in your spare time?

Snuggling with your cat and watching every program on ABC Family is not an acceptable answer. 

I think that each time you start over in your relationship life, it gives you an opportunity to get to know yourself better.  Since you are in total control of how you spend your time, you can actually start the hobbies you have always dreamed of! 

Last time I was single I took up ballroom dancing.  This time I am taking jewelry making classes (metal jewelry, not beading).  Another time I took up yoga (I’ve kept that one through the years).  The list goes on. 

If your boyfriend/girlfriend was your last hobby, please please please do not let that happen again

To be interesting, you need to do things that are interesting to you. 

One good resource is the community education programs that most cities offer.  You can take classes in the Mandarin language, step aerobics, belly dancing, yoga, Spanish, cooking, etc.  In my area, I am almost always the youngest class participant.  That makes me feel good about myself.   High self-esteem is important in dating.  There is nothing wrong in finding that self esteem in a belly dancing class filled with women who are north of the age of 55. 

Another resource is your friends that you do not date and it is also a good idea if they are friends who you have never watched a movie with either.  I may put together another post about dating your movie buddy, but there is an episode of SATC that covers the issues pretty thoroughly.  My point is, your friends are fun and interesting.  Start something up with them!

The most common and easiest club to start is a book club.  A book club covers a few social bases.  It gets you out of the house, it may help you meet new people, it gives you something to talk about not only on a date but other places as well!  You will be surprised how often you can mention your “current book club book”   And please, start one that actually reads the book.  They are a rare find and more respectable than the wine club version.   And the one thing you need when you are hitting the refresh button on life, is to be respectable.  And a hobby. 

What happens after you watch a movie

I was thinking of what happens after “the movie” is over and before you get your sweatpants out.  What should you have on hand to make your viewing partner comfortable? 

It depends on how you want to be perceived.  It is a fine line of being a bad host and being too prepared so you come across like you run a low budget hostel and the price of a nights stay is a 99 cent redbox movie. 

Here are some suggestions.

A frozen pizza. It’s nice to have a midnight snack. If your movie partner is someone who you would kick out of your bed for eating crackers (or pizza as the current cast may be), you might want to rethink the decision to watch a movie. 

Champagne.  Not only does it go well with frozen pizza, it might lead to a second viewing of the movie.  You know, now that you know when all of the good parts are coming. 

If you are a man, it is nice if you have a tshirt that you do not mind sharing.  A pair of basketball shorts may be nice. Both of these should come out of a drawer.  Because they are clean.

Contact solution and a case is never unwelcome.  Since I myself wear contacts, I would never put someone in the hostel owner category if they happened to keep some on hand.  Just tell me that you had laser eye surgery and never got rid of the other stuff. 

Mouthwash is welcome. Having a spare toothbrush on hand is borderline hostel owner.

Spare cash.  You just never know.