Interview with a Gentleman

It is time for another interview with  Gentleman.  This one comes from someone that I have been friends with for about ten years and lives in Minnesota. He currently does have a girlfriend, but as you will see from his responses, he has a lot of good insight to share with the world about relationships and dating.

1. What are you judging on the first date?

Hmmm. This may seem rude, but personally if I am on a first date with a girl then I have probably already done some judging and she has made it past my pre flight checklist. Being secure in yourself is a must. Having dealt with insecure girls in the past, indications of insecurity are the first warning signs that I look for. Showing signs of willingness to do things, maybe stepping out of their boundaries of comfort is a surefire way get me interested.

I woke up one morning with a girl who I could hardly remember from the night before. Very awkward start but the ensuing morning conversations went very well. I noted certain contextual clues and decided she might be a fun girl to spend more time with. The next week, we planned to go out on a "date". It was planned as golfing but then turned out to be cliff jumping at the last minute. I don't think I was really her type as we never went out again, but the fact that she met me prepared to go golfing and then I suggested cliff jumping (which she had never done) and made it happen by stopping at Wal Mart for some shorts and sports bra gave her HUGE points in my book. Best first date I ever had. For the record, even though we never went out again I ran into her about a year later and she mentioned how much she loved the cliff jumping date.

So to answer your question, obviously she should be well put together and keep me engaged but it’s things like a passion for something or a zest for new experiences that will get a second date.

 

2. What is your follow up procedure after a first date? (text later that night, call the next day, email three days later, whatever.)

 

First of all, I would be hoping that the follow up would consist of getting or making breakfast in the morning, but if it didn't go that well then I guess there is really no cookie cutter approach for the follow up procedure.

I think that sometimes girls may be giving guys too much credit for the meaning of whether we get back in touch that night, the next day, or in a few days. Guys really aren't that cryptic. For me, if I really enjoyed myself that night and I think that I could see myself associated with the girl for awhile, then I have been known to send a nice text that evening telling her that I really enjoyed her company and would love to see her again. That would be an absolute 10 out of 10 for the date, as in the girl really knocked me off my feet.

If the date went fairly well and I would like to see her again I'll get in touch with her over the next couple of days, but there is no game being played as to whether that is the next day or in a couple. That can all be dictated on my schedule, other intangibles in my life, etc. I am more of a phone call person myself, but can recognize if a text is appropriate. I would have to have at least a mild history with the person in order to have their email address, so I don't see that as part of the follow up procedure.

 

3. What do you really think about a girl who gives it up on the first date?

It completely depends on how it all goes down. If we are barely halfway through our second cocktail and she is grabbing my inner thigh under the table, then my mind is catapulted into getting one thing done. Will I consider it a successful date? Yes. Will I call her again? Most likely. Will I think she's a slut? Definitely. Then again, we've all been there. That place in our life were we just want to get some nookie and may not have a convenient alternative, nothing wrong with that.

I went through a period of time in my life where I pretty much only dated older women. It was great. Not only did they introduce me to some great places, but many times they would pick up the tab and it was always guaranteed action. That on top of the fact that they usually had such high involvement in the rest of their personal life that the date was really just a release and there was no drama outside of it, just a mutual understanding. Not at all emotionally fulfilling but just what I needed at the time.

Now let’s say the date goes really well. We both hit it off perfectly, things are progressing. We're already out well past the time that either one of us had planned and we end up getting physical together. Do I think this girl is a slew bag? Not at all. Regardless of whether we go out again or not at all. We had a fantastic night together and it turned a bit carnal. No negative judgment on that. The exception to this rule is if she has a boyfriend. Then, even if we had an unbelievable first date and eventually dated for a significant amount of time that seed is always planted in the back of my head. So, even if you know that you are going to break up with someone you are officially dating be sure to make that happen before you start getting down with a new partner, otherwise that will be held against you forever.

 

4. Do you carry a condom at all times?

 

No I don't. I can see why some guys do, I just never have. I keep some at home and I'm pretty sure that there are some in my car, but I just have not been one of those guys that always has them. There have definitely been instances where I wish I was one of those guys.

Also, speaking for myself, no negative thoughts on girls who keep a stock of rubbers. I think that people lose the sight line that many times it means the person is safe, smart and prepared. Not just sexually rampant.

 

6. If you have been on a date recently, any good advice for the girls that come next?

Only every cliché thing you can think of. Be able to participate and move forward the conversation.

One of the last dates that I was one was with a girl who knew my buddy’s girlfriend. She was drop dead gorgeous; we actually had a lot in common and even got into a high school style make out session. Don't let that fool you, the date sucked. Even though we shared a lot of interests and knew some of the same people, the girl could not carry on the conversation. It was like pulling teeth. So, I didn't call her again and I hear a couple of weeks later from a mutual friend that she had a great time on our date and really wanted to see me again. Sorry, not going to happen.

Share what you are passionate about. I feel that too many dates get into trying common ground to talk about. I like the opposite. If she is passionate about something that I don't know much about, it is usually very interesting. Be prepared to at least offer to split the date. Even though I would never let the date to pay unless it is strictly platonic, she also should not have the expectation that it’s going to be covered.

Interview with a Gentleman

Next in my series of interviews is a good friend who lives on the East Coast. He is 28, a middle child, owns his own place, wears great jeans, is the star player of a championship intramural basketball team, and has a strong dislike for PDA.

1.What are you judging on the first date?

Men judge...everything. The man should pick the first date location and as soon as they get together everyone is being judged, man & woman. Most important would be conversation topics; is she interesting? If she's not interesting, it'll quickly either become a short term engagement (sex), or, quickly wrap up. One slip up can ruin everything, so don't let the guard down.

2. What is your follow up procedure after a first date?

Depends on how the date went. A real good date is always great to follow-up with a "had a really great time tonight; hope to see you again soon" text. (At this point texting is ok, prior to first date texting is off-limits unless the woman initiates it). The days of playing games are over - so waiting a few days to call the girl is passé' -what are you waiting for? If you liked her and want to hang out again; why wait? Unless you're playing games and just want to hook up.

3. What do you really think about a girl who gives it up on the first date?

Most guys don't judge on this one way or another, although if you have sex on the first date all of their friends will know. (i.e. the only question a guy's guy friend asks him after a date "did you f*ck her?" don’t be offended, but that’s pretty much the extent of the conversation amongst men regarding their dates). Sex on a first date opens you up to a guy just hooking up with you and not calling again; but you should know if it went really well or not and then go from there. Looking at it separately, a girl that makes out with someone on the first date in public; big time turn-off & long-term issues. French-kissing on the dance floor or anywhere - ain't gonna work. Most of this stuff should take place in private. If a chick is making out with you in public, she's making out with other people in public. Can't be marrying that.

4. Do you carry a condom at all times?

Never, anyone carrying a condom is a douche-bag. Run from these men. Also, girls shouldn’t have condoms at their house; it makes them look like a slut. (never tell someone "it's ok, I have condoms") - for me, big time turn-off (unless she has a boyfriend and this is a sexual fling...then it makes sense that she has condoms). If no condoms at your house suck it up and don't have sex. If the first or second date goes really well there's plenty of stuff to do without sex, and for sure he'll come better prepared next time.

5. If you have been on a date recently, any good advice for the girls that come next?

Drink & have fun. Let the guy pick up the tab for dinner & early drinks, but there's nothing better than once you treat a girl right having her say 'let's grab a nightcap on me'. Guys should pay for most, but a girl who is confident, successful, and generous are hard to find and a big time turn on.

 

Interview with a Gentleman

It is time for another look into a man’s point of view.  I went back to my friend from Denver to get his perspective on some common dating questions. 

1.What are your rules for a first date?

RULES: Go somewhere unique and fun where you can talk (not dinner and a movie). Usually something casual, even a walk around the park or the zoo (my favorite first date, plus I love the zoo). If it's something small, I will always pay...even if it's something bigger I guess. However, times are modern, and if a girl offers to split it with me, I will allow that, and I take it as a very positive sign. If she offers to pay or to participate (splitting, paying for ice cream, etc) it means that she was raised well and won't be sucking you dry the whole "relationship". I always dress nice, but I don't go outside of my comfort zone. For the most part, what you see right away is what you're going to get. On that note, I'll throw out a test dirty joke or off colored comment to see how she reacts. My girl will be appalled but tolerant of my dirty mind.

 

2. How soon do you know you want to kiss a girl on a date?

How soon do I KNOW?? Immediately. First things first is a physical connection. I like a kiss at the end of the night, half mouth, half cheek. Let's you feel if it is smooth and easy, or awkward (you can't tell a whole lot from a half kiss), tells her that you want to be phyiscal, but that you don't need it and aren't looking for it tonight (see my research in the post "girls want what they can't have" Also, half kisses is the easiest segway to a full kiss. Then you're naked.

3. Who does the follow up after the first date?

I think it's really nice, if you had a good time, to call the next day to say you had a fun time. Whether or not you intend to ask for another date at that time, it's nice to at least say you had fun, the next day. The girl can do it too, and the girl can also ask for the date. Again, times are modern. I love it when a girl takes my hand on a date or calls me up with a fun plan. Two way street, bitches.

4. Why do you go out on a second date?

1. There was a spark; 2. You almost sealed the deal, and you need one more try; 3. It seems like you two should be clicking, but you're still not sure; 4. You need a date for an event or something that you need to keep her on the line for.

5.Have you ever tried to pick up a woman at the grocery store?

No :-). Flirted plenty. I was talking to this hot chick once, and her nerd boyfriend didn't notice until her turned to her and asked (in the nerdiest voice) "should we try a different brand today?" I laughed and left.

 

Interview with a Gentleman

I wanted to learn more about romance, so I went to a good friend of mine and asked some simple questions. This gentleman is my go-to for answers on men and what is real and what is likely my crazy talking. 1.       Is romance dead? Is there any way for it to be not corny?
Romance is not dead at all. You can always find a unique way to show feelings. Sometimes romance can just be learning something new about each other. Romance is what you make it. If all you think of are movies, chances are it will be cheesy. Cheesy can be ok, but be sure to have wine and lingerie.

2. Who's job is it to be romantic? (for sure the man or for sure the woman's or eww romance)
Romance should not be a job. I learned long ago when you think of things as a job, you dread the work. Think of it as an adventure. When you are trekking through the jungle you both are scouting out new places and the scenery. Watch out for lions, tigers and bears.

3. What qualifies for a romantic gesture in your (a man’s mind)? (ie what do you do that you feel is romantic, and what has a woman done for you that has felt romantic)
To me,  romantic gestures can be simple as good morning and listing to the day-to-day life. However, we all want something bigger. I say something out of the normal routine is your best bet to make a lasting impression. Think of something you have not done, or have not done in awhile, and do it. My most memorable romantic gesture was a simple weekend trip. It was a trip to spend time together  with no agenda or people to see. Simply taking in the scenery and enjoying the moment and each other.

4.Do you appreciate when a woman does a romantic gesture, grand or otherwise?
I can appreciate a romantic gesture. Cards, notes and texts can go a long way.  

5.Any romantic stories that just make you cringe looking back on it now?
We all are young and learn from trial and error. Always get a second opinion before going through with a grand gesture. We all are better off with a reality check.  That is all I am going to say about that. 

 

Interview with a Gentleman

I try to make this blog accessible to both men and women. Since I am on my soapbox sharing my opinions, I thought I would give the men in my life the opportunity to share their own viewpoints on the dating process and what their advice/rules are.

Each week we will go further and further into exploring a date from a man's point of view.

This week’s interview is with a dear friend whom I have known for about eight years. He is tall, has a fondness for berets, blond, does P90X, has a job, wonderful parents, and owns a home. He is a great catch and lives in the Denver area.

1. How do you ask a girl out? (in person, email, phone call, text <-- bad idea btw)

If it's a new girl that I just met, I will always call to set something up for 2-3 days ahead. If it's someone I know, I have no qualms about sending a text to see what's up. Get with the times, a text is no big deal. We can't get into a texting conversation, but "Drinks tonight?" is OK to open the lines of communication.

2. How do you prep for a date? (internet stalking, interview friends, launder your lucky shirt, make reservations etc)

Shower and put on some clothes with a purpose. I might call a seasoned friend for a quick bit of advice to have on the top of my mind (my friend usually tells me, "confidence" and "act like you've been here before"

3. What signals do you look for to see if she likes you? (do you really look for hair playing and arm touching?! What else has Men's Health told you?!)

Physical contact is a no brainer, touching the arm or even better a leg. Women touch close to what they want; a shoulder or arm touch means they want to get close to your heart, a leg touch means they want to get close to your penis. If the date is a dinner or something, anytime they want to continue ie grab a drink, go back to watch some tv, etc, means there is some spark. Laughing together is what it's all about. If you have that, she's probably willing to explore further into what could be.

4. How do you let a girl know you like her on a date? (open doors, compliments, whatever else that might be subtle)

Girls are insecure and they all want what they can't have. So, girls, like play dough, can be easily manipulated. I like to throw out a "negative compliment". For example, "I think it's cute how you're nose scrunches up when you laugh" or my favorite one (if you've seen her before) "Oh, I love that shirt, I think you were wearing it the last time I saw you" Get the point? Then, prolonged physical contact. If you can hold something, (leading her by the hand to the bar, or even playing a game or magic trick or something where you are touching. That prolonged touch lets her know that you're interested, and it lets you know that she's willing to touch you, at least a little bit, and sometimes all you really need is a little bit.

5. Why did you take her on a date and not just call her at bar close on a Friday? (difference between a girl that is date-able and not just f-able)

As I get older, I look for more meaning in a relationship. Sex is great, but sex with love is on a whole new level. It's very tough to find a real connection with someone, but I look to take out people that I feel there might be a connection with, or that I'm just really attracted to, but honestly with the hopes that deeper meaning might come of it. If I'm looking for someone to F after the bars on Friday, I'll text you around 2:00am.

If you have recently been on a date any great takeaways for other ladies to keep in mind on a date?

For both men and women, I encourage boldness. If you want to hold hands, then take my hand. If you want to kiss, then lean on in. Don't be lame and make it about a date; let's have some fun, be real, and hopefully we want to see more of eachother when it's over.

Any funny stories from it?

My last date was to a Vietnamese restaurant two weeks ago. There was a guy sitting alone at a table, by the cash register, wearing all black. He was looking at me from the time I walked in, so I asked him for a table for two. Turns out he didn't work there, he was just a normal Vietnamese dude who was wearing the same black as the waiters. SHE thought it was hilarious.