Interview with a Lady

 

I am introducing a new feature called “Interview with a Lady”

The theme is meant to give guys insights into what a girl really wants, and to let other girls out there know… it’s not just you.

So here we go. 

 What is your number one pet peeve in bed?

 Let me make a list. 1) Pounding -- what the fuck is that? Women are not a pile of meat. 2) Not pre-heating the oven. NOW you can think of us as a pile of meat. You don’t throw a steak in a cold pan, right? 3) Head-pushing. Just in general, I’m not a porn star, and if I’m acting like a porn star, it’s just to make you happy. 4) Expectations. If I’m ready to go, I’m going to be more than excited. If I feel pressured, I’m going to be resentful.

 

What position is overrated?

 Doggy – ow.

 Reverse Cowgirl – too much work.

69 – how many things do I need to concentrate on at one time?

 

Any tips for guys initiating sex? 

Do it coyly. Do it sexily. Make us feel impassioned. Here’s a tip: don’t text us saying that you want to “fuck us silly.” That is not sexy. That is not coy. That is … passion, maybe, but … just not the kind we want, OK? Don’t make us feel like prostitutes. Sometimes just make out with us just to make out with us. If it always must lead to sex, it takes away the surprise and makes us feel pressured. Notice the “pressured” theme? Yeah, there’s something to that.

 

Do you think your guy knows if you fake it?

No way. Girls are masters at creating super-convincing orgasms. And, by the way, the only reason we are is because men will ignore all the normal signs and keep trying to rip us apart until we climax. We’re trying to save our lady parts here.

What myths would you debunk for the average man?

Women do not want to have sex like porn stars. I know you think we do. Stop that. We do not need to scream to enjoy sex, nor do we need to scream to fake it. We have mastered silent orgasms. That’s how good we are. We don’t want to do seven different positions. If things are going, just stick with the program. If you fall out … just don’t do it. You deserve a smack if you’ve done that. Get some control, man.

 Have you tried any tips from Cosmo?

 No, but I did follow some advice someone gave me about something called a starfish.

 

What is your best piece of advice for men?

 Just take off the pressure and everything else will happen on its own.

 

Any phrase/action that is an instant mood-killer?

 “If you’re too sore, I can just put it in your butt.”

 “Girl, I’m gonna fuck you silly.”

 “Can I at least get some head?”

 “You’ll get used to it.”

 “Just suck through the pain.”

 

K-I-S-S-I-N-G

Kissing style is a personal preference, but I think it is most heavily influenced by your first few kissing partners. 

My first kiss was with a red-head named Kyle.  We were playing basketball and he was helping me with my form and then….

There have been a few bad kissers since Kyle.  I think everyone has at least one horror story.  There was one guy who “kissed” by brushing his mouth against mine, but there was no fine movement, he moved his entire head.  From an outside view, I think it loosely resembled a passionate Hollywood-style kiss, but from my point of view it was just confusing.  He is married now and I wonder if his style ever changed.   

I saw an article on MSN yesterday.  Guys, Are you a Bad Kisser?

The tip that I linked too is the most common one that I hear from lady friends.  Just remember, as with most intimate activities: it is all about the hands. 

The other most popular preference I hear from ladies is this one.  Don't be delicate.

You should be 100% sure that a kiss is desired before pulling this move, or else it becomes a horror story for the other party. 

If you ever hear your kissing partner say “let’s try it like this” you are in trouble.  Pay attention or else you risk being talked about and imitated at the next happy hour. 

The Importance of Courting

Courting is an old fashioned term for something that I fear is becoming old fashioned.  Courting is more than dating.  It is not about the romance quotient in a relationship. Courting is making everyday life something special with the person that you are in a relationship with. 

Making breakfast for your girl on a Sunday morning should not stop after you have seen each other naked seventeen times.  Even better, make breakfast on a Tuesday morning.   Leave a note in a bagged lunch, tell them you like them in that shirt, blow dry your hair in a room that will not wake him up in the morning, put their slippers on their feet when they have forgotten, kiss her cheek instead of her lips, redbox a movie he has been wanting to see, help before you are asked. 

It is important to have a balance in a relationship and in the courting process.  Courting is not a contest, it is not graded on a point system, and it is not to be used as a bargaining tool.  

Courting is having grand gestures, small gestures, words, and actions come together to communicate the state of your relationship. 

If you find yourself doing all of the courting, you are in trouble. 

Interview with a Gentleman

I wanted to learn more about romance, so I went to a good friend of mine and asked some simple questions. This gentleman is my go-to for answers on men and what is real and what is likely my crazy talking. 1.       Is romance dead? Is there any way for it to be not corny?
Romance is not dead at all. You can always find a unique way to show feelings. Sometimes romance can just be learning something new about each other. Romance is what you make it. If all you think of are movies, chances are it will be cheesy. Cheesy can be ok, but be sure to have wine and lingerie.

2. Who's job is it to be romantic? (for sure the man or for sure the woman's or eww romance)
Romance should not be a job. I learned long ago when you think of things as a job, you dread the work. Think of it as an adventure. When you are trekking through the jungle you both are scouting out new places and the scenery. Watch out for lions, tigers and bears.

3. What qualifies for a romantic gesture in your (a man’s mind)? (ie what do you do that you feel is romantic, and what has a woman done for you that has felt romantic)
To me,  romantic gestures can be simple as good morning and listing to the day-to-day life. However, we all want something bigger. I say something out of the normal routine is your best bet to make a lasting impression. Think of something you have not done, or have not done in awhile, and do it. My most memorable romantic gesture was a simple weekend trip. It was a trip to spend time together  with no agenda or people to see. Simply taking in the scenery and enjoying the moment and each other.

4.Do you appreciate when a woman does a romantic gesture, grand or otherwise?
I can appreciate a romantic gesture. Cards, notes and texts can go a long way.  

5.Any romantic stories that just make you cringe looking back on it now?
We all are young and learn from trial and error. Always get a second opinion before going through with a grand gesture. We all are better off with a reality check.  That is all I am going to say about that. 

 

Another Theory

This post is the only time you will see the words “shorter, smaller, quicker” on my blog in reference to being a good thing for men in bed. 

My girlfriends and I have a new theory.   You may remember the last theory I shared with you here.

Men who have been in long term relationships are better lovers. 

Women always start out a physical relationship by telling lies (ohhh,  that was amazing ) in bed.  When a man starts hearing phrases suggested by magazine headlines such as, “Let’s try it like this” you know the secrets to her universe are being revealed. 

The ladies I talked to have found that the training and learning curve is much shorter, smaller, and quicker for men who have had a long term, monogamous, relationship.  A serial dater likely will not know the difference between performance art and genuine success no matter how many “day dates” they have been on. 

You might still tell a few lies in the beginning, but at least you are farther along in the training process.

* A special ‘Thank You’ goes out to the ladies who tossed those well trained men back into the dating pool. 

Stress Free Dating

Men say that they dump a girl when things get stressful.  Here are some common stressors.

1.       Planning a vacation

2.       Graduation

3.       Starting school again

4.       Having more than one girlfriend

5.       Buying a house

6.       Getting a new job

7.       Deciding  who’s family to spend the holiday with

8.       Trying to think of an appropriate gift for the upcoming occasion (Birthday, Christmas, Anniversary, A Promotion, Valentine’s Day)
 

Most of these situations above are unavoidable.  However, you can make them less stressful.

      1.       Have more sex. 

Seriously though.  When you date with a purpose, it can be stressful.  Real life is stressful and your boyfriend/girlfriend is a part of that.  Ideally your partner can mitigate some of the stressors but sometimes they will be on that list.  When that happens, the same solution applies.

If the stress is immediate after declaring yourselves exclusive movie watching partners, that is not a good sign. 

My advice:  think of your life with and without them.  Whatever scenario gives you more peace/perceived happiness is the one you should go with. 

Boyfriend/Girlfriend Training

One of the hardest things about breaking up is seeing all of your preferential training walk away to eventually benefit someone else.  That is a sunk cost into a relationship that you will never get back and it’s the basis of the phrase “I wasted so much time on him (or her)!”

 The skill that I find myself teaching over and over again is that of apologizing.  

 Here is the structure of a good apology.

 1.       Actually say “I am sorry.”

2.       Followed by what you are sorry for “I am sorry for being late.”

3.       Do not follow up the “what” with a “but.” “I’m sorry for being late, but there was an accident.”  Putting the word “but” after anything negates any earlier statement.  

4.       Communicate your action plan!  “I am sorry for being late, I’ll call next time.”

5.       Kiss and make up. 

6.       Quickly change the subject.

7.       Do make sure to “call next time”

 

Next time we will work on gratitude statements.  As in, all you new girlfriends of my old boyfriends can learn how to give me a sincere thank-you for teaching that guy such a valuable skill.  If they come with any other valuable skills, you can thank me for that too.