Default Dating

I had my date with the guy my friendspulled for me.  I had suggested five places and he picked the time and place.  8pm.  A Monday.  A well known cocktail bar. 

I wore jeans, boots, and a sweater. 

Turns out, my date really only drinks rum and cokes.  This bar has a famous bartender, award winning drinks, and a whiskey/scotch list that is worth drooling over.  He manned up and got a scotch, I had a tasting flight.  And then I finished his scotch for him.

We had plenty to chat about.  He did tell me that he has never met a group of ladies who are “so real” and funny and attractive in a group before.  Aww.  He likes my friends!  Since I was the only single one in the group, I was the lucky one who got the follow up date.

I paid for the drinks at the first stop.  Apparently this put him in my debt (obviously) but he did at least ask if it was important for me to pay on “the first date.”  I would say it is important because it is something to judge him on.  He failed.

My date suggested we move to a different bar, and suggested it be someplace close to my house.  I am debating if this kindness was because of my early morning the next day, or if he thought being close to my house would increase his chances of being invited over. 

The conversation was good, but I think he thought my sense of humor was off, because when he would say something “funny” he would always follow up with, “I’m just joking.”  Yeah buddy.  I get it.

I think I raised his…hopes… when we had a mini (very mini) makeout session in the parking lot.  I know kissing styles can be modified,  but … I would prefer that my new boyfriend comes fully compatible in that area.    

We went our separate ways and I let him know that he was in charge of the next date.  It has been three weeks and I have not heard a word.  I would have gone on the second date, he did owe me, but likely not a third.

Date Night

I had a date on Sunday.  It was not a first date, or even the third date.  A specific plan was never established, but the general idea involved dinner and a movie, maybe some bar games if we felt like it. 

I showed up in jeans, wellies, and a chambray button up.  My date opened the door and was wearing dress pants, a sweater, and a tie. 

Apparently he was in the mood to go someplace nice.  His thought was since “You always look nice” I did not need to be alerted to the upgrade in venue. 

Shoot.  The time I really go for casual totally backfired on me. 

We went to dinner at the fancy place and still received excellent service and delicious food.  Halfway through the bottle of wine I stopped feeling bad about my outfit. 

Word to the wise:  if you want to take your girl out to a nice place, tell her before she gets dressed. 

First Date Story

I went on a date a few weeks ago.  It was with this guy.  I will highlight the fact again that he was 24 years old. 

The plan was to go swing dancing.  To be fair, I changed the plan at the last minute.  It was 9:00 on a Thursday night and I was hungry and tired and the weather was crummy.  I called to let him know I was home from my earlier plans (not making more than a single plan in a night is a hard lesson for me to learn).  I was really hoping that we could just reschedule.  No such luck.  Being young and in undergrad means that 9:00 on a Thursday is just the start of a night.  We finally settled on him picking me up for dinner. 

He came to the door, rang my doorbell walked me to the car and shut my door for me.  We went to the restaurant and chatted.  I had wine.  He had lemonade. He played up the future doctor angle, being close with his family, the fact that he has a female roommate, his accomplishments in high school and junior league hockey, and his disappointment in not going dancing. 

Then the bill came.  I am usually pretty quick with my wallet, especially on the first date.  I must have been the fastest one at the table because my card was out and picked up by the server before my date even made a move.   I signed the bill when it came back, then my date picks it up to see the total and throws a twenty dollar bill in the middle of the table and said, “here.”  For a future doctor, his math skills were not that great. Twenty did not cover half, if that was his intention.  I said ah no, don’t worry about it, you can keep that. 

If he had put the twenty in along with my card, that would have been ok.  It would have even been kind of ok if he did not attempt to pay at all.  Throwing money on the table was not ok.  It was awkward. 

I have not heard from him since. 

Gentlemen, if you are going out with a lady and plan on either picking up the tab or contributing, do so much earlier in the payment process. 

A Second Date

I went on the second date with the guy I was set up with by my sister and his sister.  The title of this blog is not “My Second Date Stories” but I thought this one deserved a blog reference.  

There was a question a few weeks ago about when to go on a second date if you do not think there is a spark. I decided this guy deserved a second chance, he had seemed a little nervous on the first date and it was our sisters idea that we go out in the first place.  I had the time and availability, why not say “yes.”  

My original instinct was correct—no spark.  We spent quite a bit of time discussing fishing.  Luckily (toot toot),  I can hold my own in a fishing conversation having a fascination with going ice fishing (winter date idea?!) and the fact that I won a fishing contest three summers ago.  Even though I could hold my own, discussing fishing while I eat a swordfish steak is not my idea of good table talk. 

I did not give my best date. I wanted to see if he would step-up his game and if he did not, I wanted to manage his impression of where I was in the interest level.  
   
Overall, I think first impressions are the right impressions.  I was happy to go on this second date. I do feel bad that I let him pay for the dinner.   

The nice thing to do is to cut things off before you know how he compares to the theory and he learns what is under your push-up bra. 

 

First Date Story

I had a blind date on Monday.  Shocking I know.  This one was set up by our respective sisters who were neighbors for two weeks in this hospital with new babies.  Apparently they spent some time talking about their siblings and thought we should meet. 

I sent The Brother a quick email introducing myself.  I kept it vague but did reference a little of my resume: I enjoy checking out different places and events around town and I have some hobbies that keep me busy. I am pretty active during the week after work and use the weekend to recharge, though I am not opposed to weekend plans either. Oh, and I have a cat named Dolly. Let me know if you want to learn more or if you'd like to jump right in and plan a date.

Luckily, he wanted to jump right in.  We arranged to meet at a hotel bar halfway between our respective workplaces.  In this part of town, there is not much else to choose from.  The date had gotten there first (early) and gotten us a table in the back.  Since the bar was empty, the hostess very sweetly came up to me and asked if I was Megan let me know my date was waiting for me in the third booth.  Thanks hostess.  I could not have found him on my own. 

The date went along pretty smoothly.  Conversation was typical of a first date.  I was thankful for that because I really knew nothing about him.  We chatted about our sisters, new nieces, work, favorite restaurants, college,  wine tasting, hobbies, sibling dynamics, the upcoming holidays, and books. A nice thing I learned is that he is close with his family, particularly with his two younger sisters.  I think that it is more telling to look at how a man treats his sisters, rather than his mother, to see how he would treat a girlfriend.  Sisters can educate a brother on how the world works for women which can really cut down on the boyfriend training when you choose one of these men. 

I broke my own dating rule and had double booked myself with a second social commitment later that night.  Ninety minutes is long enough to budget for a first date so I did not feel too bad about having a set end time.  I was actually on-time for the date, so do not worry, no one got cheated. 

I was glad I got to meet this guy and I was thankful to my sister for thinking of my dating life while she had her hands full with many other things.  I found myself in the same quandary a reader had a few weeks ago; I am not feeling a romantic spark, and I have enough friends; do I invest in a second date? 

My tips for him:  Keep it up.  Do not be so nervous.   Try to reference your sisters even more frequently so your date knows that you are really that good of a brother and therefore prospective boyfriend.  

First Date Story

I had a date last week.  Now that I think about it, I had two dates in one.  The date was set up by my best friend.  She sent me this email:

Coworker is 31. He is super smart and really funny. Very much into eating healthy and working out and semi obsessed with obtaining a 6 pack which we all talk about at work. He has a small sail boat that he docks in Lake Calhoun in the summers. He is somewhat of an uptown hipster but not in an overly weird annoying way. If anything, he would definitely be a fun date. 

Attached were some photos; he looked tall enough and cute enough to spend a few hours with.  After a few emails we made a plan.  He did not read my rules of planning a date, both options were close to his house.  However, since he lives in a trendy area and one of the places has been on my list of bars to check out, I was game for heading in his direction. 

I got there first and apparently there was another blind date taking place because a waitress came up to me and asked if my name was Diana.  Thankfully, Coworker arrived shortly thereafter and we started the date. 

My friend was right and I did have quite a bit in common with the coworker.  My resume came in handy and we had a lot to chat about.  The conversation flowed, appetizers were enjoyed, and for cocktail number three, we moved over  to the game area of the bar.  The main reason we went to this place was for the skee ball.  Coworker was prepared with a pocketful of quarters which earned him a bonus point as I was totally unprepared and only found pennies and dimes in the bottom of my purse.  I lost the first game by quite a few points so Coworker offered to give me some pointers on my form.  First I thought it was an excuse to check out my rearview.  It turns out that his sister is a competitive skee-baller (is that the right label?) and he actually knew what he was talking about.   The final tally of games left me the loser, but I handled that with uncharacteristic grace and feel good about my chances if there is a rematch. 

On my way home, I realized that after three hours, we had done dates one and two on the list.  Yikes.  This is moving fast.  The next date is actually date #4 from the formula, a longer dinner, but it will be taking place at a restaurant.  It should be near impossible to combine dinner with brunch, unless of course, we watch a movie after dinner. 

Late. For a Very Important Date.

I was almost the star of a bad first date.  I say almost because it did end with him asking for a second date.

It all started when I agreed to go on a date that started at 5:30. I knew it was way too ambitious for me to make it to the bar by then.   Long story short, I made it there by 6:00.  In my defense I did send two text messages letting my date know about my situation. 

I got there and he waved me down.  I was a little surprised he recognized me because I was wearing glasses, which I am not wearing in any of my online photos.  Side note: he loved them.  He told me at least three times that he really, really liked my glasses.  A short while later, he covered his face with his hands, giggled, and then said “you are so pretty, I can’t believe it.”  I appreciated the sentiment, but really, what is a good response to that?  No really, I want to know what someone should say to that.  “Thank you” sounds like a bad humble brag and dismissive. 

We had quite a bit to talk about.  My date had an interesting backstory with how he grew up and was good at asking questions about my hobbies (I hate that question, it makes me feel like I am on a job interview.  I do however, have quite a few hobbies that I can talk about).  We covered the other typical first date conversation starters.  That part of the date was fine.  It was the delivery I had a problem with.   My date was a loud talker.  I have spent my adult life spying on first dates.  The last thing I want is to be spied on by the couple and their in-laws at the table next to us. I think that by the age of 34, you know if you are a loud talker.  If you are identified as one, please try to adjust your volume while on a date.  In his defense, he might have been a little lonely during those thirty minutes that he was waiting for me and found company at the bottom of his beer glass. 

The main point of me highlighting the fact that I was late for the date was to tell you the life lesson I learned because of my tardiness.  When you are late, you lose all control of the date.  There is nothing you can say when your date wants to order food or a third (fourth?) drink.  You cannot say that you have an eyebrow wax scheduled in ninety minutes.  Because you were late and you are only allowed one rude gesture per date.  That is a new rule I just made up.

My takeaway?  Do not be late.  Do not schedule a second activity on the evening of a date.  Do not let yourself think about all the other people who are listening to your conversations . 

My advice for him: lower the volume. 

It was not my last first date.  It was not the worst first date.  I do not think it will lead to bowling.  He did mention something about a comedy club though. 

One of these does not belong with the other…

I was on a date last week, and before I recap it, I have a great takeaway to share with all of you.  Do not go on a date on YOUR BIRTHDAY!  Do not go on a date the day after YOUR BIRTHDAY!  Do not go on a date the day before YOUR BIRTHDAY.  I found myself on a date a few  years ago on what the guy claimed was his 30^th BIRTHDAY!  It was a Tuesday night or something and I felt bad that he was on a first date on HIS BIRTHDAY.  So after our one drink and appetizer, the plan morphed into a romantic walk around a sculpture garden and then out to a bar for his favorite drink.  While there he insisted we play erotic picture match ‘em.  What was I going to say?  It was HIS BIRTHDAY.   I finally put my foot down when he asked for a birthday kiss.  On my way home I realized I should have asked to see his ID. 

If you ever find yourself in the same situation, just claim it’s your birthday too. 

I only bring that up because my date last week mentioned that his birthday was the night before.  There was some reluctance to go on the date in the first place.  Mainly because he worked out of state and was only in town on the weekends.  Therefore the date had to be on a Friday night.  Here is another takeaway for you.  Do not go on a first date on a weekend evening.  When people ask me if I am free on a Friday or Saturday night for a first date, the answer is always no.  But this time, I had to say yes if I wanted to see what dating a chef was like. 

I will save you the trouble of experiencing it for yourself.  I got no cooking tips, recipes, or restaurant secrets.   I do not think he was that impressed with my job either.  When I told him what I did he rolled his eyes and said, “You’re like the seventh girl who I’ve met that does that.  Is there like, a lot of money in that?”  Um.  Was he piling on a wage discrepancy on top of a recent birthday to get me to pick up the tab on our Friday night date?  Whatever.  It worked.  I paid and left. 

 

First Date Story

I had a coffee date tonight with “the propositioner.”  I was jazzed about this date.  I never would have gone on it until I caught the adventure bug.  There is a story behind every person and I needed to know his story.  Who is that person who innocently, if abruptly, asks you out for coffee.  And then the next day send you this: 

 If you're not interested in getting to know me, would you be interested in hooking up?

Normally I would have just told all my friends about the emails and not dignified him with a response.  This time I went on the date and now I am telling all of you about it. 

I expect that the people nearby have a good story to tell their friends tonight too.  My table selection was poorly done.  We were surrounded by individuals on their laptops.  I can just picture their IM conversations.  I can only hope they were kinder than I would have been in their position. 

The plan was to be bold with my questions, what were you thinking to proposition me, a total stranger?! Have you done this before?!  Does it actually work?!  Does your mother know you do this?!  I could just picture him throwing his coffee in my lap and storming out, so this date started off pretty typical.  If what followed is a classic date, I’d rather stick a teacup in my eye. 

He was good at asking me questions, so I told him a little about my job and asked what he did.  “Well, I’m an operations manager for a small company.  It’s called xxx.  Basically I pick up dog poop.  It’s weird to say that that is my job, but I really like it.  I get to drive around all day and play with dogs and shit.”  I waited to see if he would catch the irony in that statement.  Don’t think he did. 

We chatted about his sleeve of tattoos, the importance of family, his dog, my cat, a traumatic experience he went through a few years ago and how that changed him, local theatre, best horror movies (sorry I cannot remember what he recommended as the best one), and then we stumbled on THE TOPIC. 

He started it by asking, mid-date, if I would be interested in hanging out again.  Side note: Do not do that.  It just makes it weird when the date continues for another thirty minutes and both of us know (or hope) we will never see each other again.  Unless I get a dog and need some help with the doggie clean-up.  I digress.  I admitted that the only reason I was there was because of the  very forward email.  I said that I was so surprised at it and wanted to see who would send something like that. The guys face started turning pink and his eyes went blank like he was trying to remember or forget that he had sent that message.  “um, yeah.  I’m not very good at meeting people out, sooo….”   And then I caved.  I started to understand the appeal of cyber bullying.  I should have sent him a strongly worded email. Calling someone out face to face is hard and I could not do it.  I gave him an out with “does it go both ways, have you gotten this aggressive emails too?” he dodged the question a little bit and we moved on to talking about how messy his roommate is. 

I did leave feeling like maybe he had been shamed into realizing that there is a real person behind the profile and it is not nice, nor an effective pick up tool, to so boldly proposition someone.

An hour later I checked my email.  This is what I got:

 I was in the middle of vacuuming and mopping my apartment, and I had a thought. I did have a good time with you, but I think we both know that we didn't have any heavy sparks between us. But I am very attracted to you. If you feel the same way, would you be interested in trying a physical relationship. May be thought of as a friends with benefits. Help each other out. This may be a bit out of line. If not, that is perfectly fine. I just thought I'd be honest.

 

I’ve created and fed the monster.  I am so sorry to the other ladies out there on the internet.

So now I need to know, do I sent him the strongly worded email?  Or just this blog post. 

Final Summary:  Never again.

Tips for him:  Dude.  I cannot help you.

First Date Story

My first first date. 

So.  I had my first first date since hitting the swinging singles scene this week.  I told you about him.  I had low expectations.  Mainly they stemmed from his poor typing skills, his lack of face in the photos he put up online, the fact that he listed his income,  and his side occupation as a fitness model.  This guy was also heavily featured in the What not to do post.  His last message to me was this: 

I dont think it will b tok crowded on a Tuesday. We should b fine.. just make sure not to dress up too hot.. i will b in my suit but not bcos we r meeting but just bcos of my boring corporate work

 

I read it in the voice of the boss from the movie OfficeSpace.  
 

We met at a bar downtown.  I was ten minutes late (a definite don’t) but I did text ahead a warning.  I spotted him right away; it helped that it was a Tuesday night at 6:30.  The conversation was pretty easy, due to the fact that he talked.  A lot.  I heard all about his job, the fancy companies he’s worked for (as part of that boring corporate job), the cool places he’s traveled for work (real work and work as a model), his friend Sarah, his friend Katie, his friend Melissa, how he feels about Apple products (does not like them), the bad experience he had with a married woman, and so on.

While he/we were talking I nursed my one drink.  He had five.  And those drinks were rum and cokes.  We were at a tequila bar with some amazing cocktails and ps he is 37.  I’m going to go ahead and judge that. 

I realize I’m painting this as a pretty bad first date, but in all honesty, it was not too bad.  Which was likely due to managing my own expectations by keeping them very very low.   In its favor the date had no awkward silences, tasty food, an interesting companion, and it was free.  Do I want those two hours of my life back?  No.  Will I give him another two hours of my life?  No.  

Final summary:

Fitness models have beautiful bodies.  Not beautiful faces.  If they had both they would just be called a model. 

Corporate IT consultants are not always geeky.   

Was he an asshole like I thought?  No.  He grew up in India, so English is his second language and once I had that piece of the puzzle, along  with the benefit of meeting him in person, the emails came across less asshole-y.    It was a good reminder that email does not contain a person’s tone. 

My tips for him: 

Be a more active listener.  Do not reference a plethora of women in casual conversation.  Order a grown up drink.  Do not order more than two drinks.  Even if you “can’t even feel them.”  Your date will feel them.