Interview with a Lady

 

I am introducing a new feature called “Interview with a Lady”

The theme is meant to give guys insights into what a girl really wants, and to let other girls out there know… it’s not just you.

So here we go. 

 What is your number one pet peeve in bed?

 Let me make a list. 1) Pounding -- what the fuck is that? Women are not a pile of meat. 2) Not pre-heating the oven. NOW you can think of us as a pile of meat. You don’t throw a steak in a cold pan, right? 3) Head-pushing. Just in general, I’m not a porn star, and if I’m acting like a porn star, it’s just to make you happy. 4) Expectations. If I’m ready to go, I’m going to be more than excited. If I feel pressured, I’m going to be resentful.

 

What position is overrated?

 Doggy – ow.

 Reverse Cowgirl – too much work.

69 – how many things do I need to concentrate on at one time?

 

Any tips for guys initiating sex? 

Do it coyly. Do it sexily. Make us feel impassioned. Here’s a tip: don’t text us saying that you want to “fuck us silly.” That is not sexy. That is not coy. That is … passion, maybe, but … just not the kind we want, OK? Don’t make us feel like prostitutes. Sometimes just make out with us just to make out with us. If it always must lead to sex, it takes away the surprise and makes us feel pressured. Notice the “pressured” theme? Yeah, there’s something to that.

 

Do you think your guy knows if you fake it?

No way. Girls are masters at creating super-convincing orgasms. And, by the way, the only reason we are is because men will ignore all the normal signs and keep trying to rip us apart until we climax. We’re trying to save our lady parts here.

What myths would you debunk for the average man?

Women do not want to have sex like porn stars. I know you think we do. Stop that. We do not need to scream to enjoy sex, nor do we need to scream to fake it. We have mastered silent orgasms. That’s how good we are. We don’t want to do seven different positions. If things are going, just stick with the program. If you fall out … just don’t do it. You deserve a smack if you’ve done that. Get some control, man.

 Have you tried any tips from Cosmo?

 No, but I did follow some advice someone gave me about something called a starfish.

 

What is your best piece of advice for men?

 Just take off the pressure and everything else will happen on its own.

 

Any phrase/action that is an instant mood-killer?

 “If you’re too sore, I can just put it in your butt.”

 “Girl, I’m gonna fuck you silly.”

 “Can I at least get some head?”

 “You’ll get used to it.”

 “Just suck through the pain.”

 

I give you this ring

Promise rings

Are promise rings still a thing?  A friend spotted one on a coworker and we got to talking and Googling.  Some of the first results featured Rings as low as $29.99! One of the most prized pieces of jewelry a woman can own!

I was not into promise rings when I was 16 (my parents did not let me date until I was 18), but even then they creeped me out. 

If you have a partner who starts talking about promise rings, or even worse, gives you one, I would ask
1. Are they above the age of consent?
2. Why not just get a bottle of wine and a block of cheddar for the same price? 

Talk is cheap. A diamond is not. 

Default Dating

I had my date with the guy my friendspulled for me.  I had suggested five places and he picked the time and place.  8pm.  A Monday.  A well known cocktail bar. 

I wore jeans, boots, and a sweater. 

Turns out, my date really only drinks rum and cokes.  This bar has a famous bartender, award winning drinks, and a whiskey/scotch list that is worth drooling over.  He manned up and got a scotch, I had a tasting flight.  And then I finished his scotch for him.

We had plenty to chat about.  He did tell me that he has never met a group of ladies who are “so real” and funny and attractive in a group before.  Aww.  He likes my friends!  Since I was the only single one in the group, I was the lucky one who got the follow up date.

I paid for the drinks at the first stop.  Apparently this put him in my debt (obviously) but he did at least ask if it was important for me to pay on “the first date.”  I would say it is important because it is something to judge him on.  He failed.

My date suggested we move to a different bar, and suggested it be someplace close to my house.  I am debating if this kindness was because of my early morning the next day, or if he thought being close to my house would increase his chances of being invited over. 

The conversation was good, but I think he thought my sense of humor was off, because when he would say something “funny” he would always follow up with, “I’m just joking.”  Yeah buddy.  I get it.

I think I raised his…hopes… when we had a mini (very mini) makeout session in the parking lot.  I know kissing styles can be modified,  but … I would prefer that my new boyfriend comes fully compatible in that area.    

We went our separate ways and I let him know that he was in charge of the next date.  It has been three weeks and I have not heard a word.  I would have gone on the second date, he did owe me, but likely not a third.

Internet Research

Great news ladies.

61% of men say they do not care if you shave your legs!!!!!

However this is the question that was asked:

So let’s say you hook up with a woman you like a lot, but she has a few days’ worth of stubble on her legs.

The caviat is that the man does not care, as long as he already likes you. However, if he does not "like you a lot" shaving your legs may be good insurance.

It can be a good barometer for guys too, if a girl has not shaved her legs, she probably does not "like you a lot" either.

Things I know

When I was on my last date, I started it with my hair down.  I had recently gotten it cut and colored and had even curled it for the date.  When our drinks arrived, I put it up in a ponytail.  I hate seeing girls hair fall into their food or drinks when they leave it down.  Gross.  Once my hair was up my date said, “oh, I like what you just did.”

This is not the first time I have been alerted that men prefer my hair in a ponytail.  It got me thinking about what else I know for sure about men’s preferences and hopes for women to wear, do, and have. 

Here is a list:

1.     Ponytails
2.     Boots
3.     Sundresses
4.     Southern accents
5.     Wearing baseball caps
6.     Tan lines
7.     Soft hands
8.     Boy-shorts
9.     Skirt business suits
10.   Yoga pants
11.   Gum in our purses

Obviously there are sexual things I could put on the list, but I think those are pretty universal, and I do not want this to be a crass list. 

One man I surveyed said “Headbands, like the workout ones” but I did not get any other men to corroborate that preference, so I left it off the list. 

Inbox Gem

When I feel like checking my messages for my online dating profile, I always have an eye out for cut and pasted email blasts.  Online dating is a numbers game, and  most of the guys have their strategy down.  A totally original message is rare.  The message below is a fine example of an email blast. 

This man at least puts in the effort to write three quick sentences at the beginning that seem to be directed to me and my profile.  The rest of the email….. take a look.

There appears, however, to be catch as the OKCupid overlords have determined that we are 3% Enemy. This super concerns me. I suspect that the OKCupid mainframes have meticulously decoded our personalities & incompatibilities and determined that we are reasonably compatible in every way except something like our opinion on "chaise lounge chairs" -- I love'em, you hate'em, and a figurative blood bath may ensue upon a discussion thereof (e.g., Me: The chair is just so comfy /You: No, it's terrible, I can't get my legs to the ground -I'm trapped! / Me: Deal wit it! / You: No, you deal wit it and your face! / Me: That's something your mother would say.....).

It just occurred to me that I haven't said anything about myself besides what you've already picked up (e.g., this guy rambles a bit – especially, when he thinks he is being funny) so here's three fun/weird/stupid facts about myself: (1) I'm an Eagle scout, (2) I held all three of sister's triplets at the same time without dropping a single one (amazing, right?) when visiting for their baptism this last weekend, & (3) I once air-humped a big buck hunter machine and bruised my pelvis (a moment to be proud of).

So, what do you think about chaise lounge chairs? And, on a scale of 0 to 10, how terrible of a move was it to mention the bruised-pelvis-from-big-buck-hunter-

 

Well, sir.  I think the mistake came when you started thinking you were funny.  I hope the other thirteen girls you sent this to last night have the right opinion on chaise lounge chairs.    

The last good year?

Having recently turned 29, I spent some time talking to my therapist about benchmarks and where I thought I should be at this age.  I am very comfortable with my life as it is and I like it.  I am in no big hurry to change it, but I would like to buy a home soon.  Finding a boyfriend would be nice (obviously I am looking for one) but the search does not define me nor does it depress me.  Well…some dates leave me concerned about the quality left out there, but I have read enough romance novels to believe that he is out there somewhere. 

I hear more from friends and Hollywood actresses that they love their thirties and feel more comfortable in their own skin.  The teenage years are hard enough, but it seems that the feelings that arrive with them stick around through the twenties as well. 

On my birthday, everyone told me this was going to be the best year ever.  No one said it was going to be the last good year of my life, or that it is all downhill when you turn 30. 

But… I found this article on my newsfeed. 

We also asked when a woman is most beautiful: Men believe female beauty peaks at 29, while women give themselves a few more years, answering, on average, 31."

Sounds like I have less good years left in me than I thought. 

Paying for Dates

As I mention in many of my date posts, I pay for the first date.  Why is this?  Mainly it is because I am quick with my credit card and none of my dates has protested overmuch. 

When I got ready to pay on my last date, he asked me if paying made me more comfortable.  I admitted it did, but what I left out is that paying allows me to feel more comfortable with never contacting the man again.  Paying for a date is a power play.  It also signifies that I can actually pay for my own dinner/drinks/movie/bowling/brunch/triptothezoo.  That way it is clear that if he has his ish together I am not in it for the money, and if he does not have his ish together and has saved up for our date all week, he can blow the money at the bar on Friday and drown his sorrows when I do not call him back. 

Whoever pays for the first date has the control.  The other person is immediately in a bit of a debt to the pay-er 

So.  Gentlemen.  Pay for the date. Do not protest, just get the server’s attention and make sure the tab goes on your credit card.  If you get there first, give your card to the server so the bill comes right to you and there is no question that you are taking care of it.

I have gone out on second dates when the man paid for the first.  I have not gone out on second dates when I paid for the first. 

Wing Girls

I was out with some girlfriends last weekend for our monthly night out.  They are all beautiful….and taken.  Typically we go to dive/hipster bars for the people watching.  The point isn’t to pick men up, no matter how many of us are single.  This week was different.  My girlfriends found me a man at the bar. 

It started the way flirtations do in elementary school.  He was across the bar wearing a  pale yellow v-neck t-shirt that was clearly out of place at this bar.  His blond hair and dimples made him an easy target for assessment.  Apparently from twenty feet away and over the bar karaoke and, he heard us talking about him.   He put on a hoodie, zipped it up to his chin and came over to defend his fashion choices. 

He was charming, witty, funny, and attractive.  When his wing-girl came over to make sure things were going well, she polled my friends and I. 

“who think’s he’s cute” ß we all raised our hands.

“who’s single” ß only I raised my hand.

Ding ding ding! 

We hung out until bar close and our date was scheduled for Monday. 

The good thing is that my friends have already given him the thumbs up.  And if they could, they would tie me up and stuff me in a trunk to go on the date in my place J 

Beauty Advice

Does color matter in dating?  Apparently so according to this helpful article I found on MSN relationships: http://living.msn.com/love-relationships/the-heart-beat-blog-post?post=83024bf4-6aee-4d84-bf07-ca6979ad0821

I have a hair color that is difficult to classify.  My stylist, Peter, waffles between calling my natural color “mousy” and “beautiful”  either way, I usually get two or three colors added to jazz it up, no matter how he is feeling on that particular day.

Maybe I should go even darker so I can appear to be a better cook and housekeeper.  And of course, better in bed. 

Interview with a Gentleman

It is time for another interview with  Gentleman.  This one comes from someone that I have been friends with for about ten years and lives in Minnesota. He currently does have a girlfriend, but as you will see from his responses, he has a lot of good insight to share with the world about relationships and dating.

1. What are you judging on the first date?

Hmmm. This may seem rude, but personally if I am on a first date with a girl then I have probably already done some judging and she has made it past my pre flight checklist. Being secure in yourself is a must. Having dealt with insecure girls in the past, indications of insecurity are the first warning signs that I look for. Showing signs of willingness to do things, maybe stepping out of their boundaries of comfort is a surefire way get me interested.

I woke up one morning with a girl who I could hardly remember from the night before. Very awkward start but the ensuing morning conversations went very well. I noted certain contextual clues and decided she might be a fun girl to spend more time with. The next week, we planned to go out on a "date". It was planned as golfing but then turned out to be cliff jumping at the last minute. I don't think I was really her type as we never went out again, but the fact that she met me prepared to go golfing and then I suggested cliff jumping (which she had never done) and made it happen by stopping at Wal Mart for some shorts and sports bra gave her HUGE points in my book. Best first date I ever had. For the record, even though we never went out again I ran into her about a year later and she mentioned how much she loved the cliff jumping date.

So to answer your question, obviously she should be well put together and keep me engaged but it’s things like a passion for something or a zest for new experiences that will get a second date.

 

2. What is your follow up procedure after a first date? (text later that night, call the next day, email three days later, whatever.)

 

First of all, I would be hoping that the follow up would consist of getting or making breakfast in the morning, but if it didn't go that well then I guess there is really no cookie cutter approach for the follow up procedure.

I think that sometimes girls may be giving guys too much credit for the meaning of whether we get back in touch that night, the next day, or in a few days. Guys really aren't that cryptic. For me, if I really enjoyed myself that night and I think that I could see myself associated with the girl for awhile, then I have been known to send a nice text that evening telling her that I really enjoyed her company and would love to see her again. That would be an absolute 10 out of 10 for the date, as in the girl really knocked me off my feet.

If the date went fairly well and I would like to see her again I'll get in touch with her over the next couple of days, but there is no game being played as to whether that is the next day or in a couple. That can all be dictated on my schedule, other intangibles in my life, etc. I am more of a phone call person myself, but can recognize if a text is appropriate. I would have to have at least a mild history with the person in order to have their email address, so I don't see that as part of the follow up procedure.

 

3. What do you really think about a girl who gives it up on the first date?

It completely depends on how it all goes down. If we are barely halfway through our second cocktail and she is grabbing my inner thigh under the table, then my mind is catapulted into getting one thing done. Will I consider it a successful date? Yes. Will I call her again? Most likely. Will I think she's a slut? Definitely. Then again, we've all been there. That place in our life were we just want to get some nookie and may not have a convenient alternative, nothing wrong with that.

I went through a period of time in my life where I pretty much only dated older women. It was great. Not only did they introduce me to some great places, but many times they would pick up the tab and it was always guaranteed action. That on top of the fact that they usually had such high involvement in the rest of their personal life that the date was really just a release and there was no drama outside of it, just a mutual understanding. Not at all emotionally fulfilling but just what I needed at the time.

Now let’s say the date goes really well. We both hit it off perfectly, things are progressing. We're already out well past the time that either one of us had planned and we end up getting physical together. Do I think this girl is a slew bag? Not at all. Regardless of whether we go out again or not at all. We had a fantastic night together and it turned a bit carnal. No negative judgment on that. The exception to this rule is if she has a boyfriend. Then, even if we had an unbelievable first date and eventually dated for a significant amount of time that seed is always planted in the back of my head. So, even if you know that you are going to break up with someone you are officially dating be sure to make that happen before you start getting down with a new partner, otherwise that will be held against you forever.

 

4. Do you carry a condom at all times?

 

No I don't. I can see why some guys do, I just never have. I keep some at home and I'm pretty sure that there are some in my car, but I just have not been one of those guys that always has them. There have definitely been instances where I wish I was one of those guys.

Also, speaking for myself, no negative thoughts on girls who keep a stock of rubbers. I think that people lose the sight line that many times it means the person is safe, smart and prepared. Not just sexually rampant.

 

6. If you have been on a date recently, any good advice for the girls that come next?

Only every cliché thing you can think of. Be able to participate and move forward the conversation.

One of the last dates that I was one was with a girl who knew my buddy’s girlfriend. She was drop dead gorgeous; we actually had a lot in common and even got into a high school style make out session. Don't let that fool you, the date sucked. Even though we shared a lot of interests and knew some of the same people, the girl could not carry on the conversation. It was like pulling teeth. So, I didn't call her again and I hear a couple of weeks later from a mutual friend that she had a great time on our date and really wanted to see me again. Sorry, not going to happen.

Share what you are passionate about. I feel that too many dates get into trying common ground to talk about. I like the opposite. If she is passionate about something that I don't know much about, it is usually very interesting. Be prepared to at least offer to split the date. Even though I would never let the date to pay unless it is strictly platonic, she also should not have the expectation that it’s going to be covered.

McJudgerson

I got a text message today from an unknown number.  This is what it said:  J 

Apparently, I received this same text from the same person on January 28^th. 
I am avoiding asking “who is this” because I really do not care. 

An emoticon does not start a conversation.  If you are texting a relative stranger, say who you are and try a traditional conversation starter with a direct call to action. 

Hi, its Ben from the bar last weekend.  How is your week going?  Do you want to grab a drink this weekend?

I am glad a stranger is having the kind of day that inspires sending J to strangers at 11:30 on a Wednesday. But… I am going to go ahead and ignore it. 

K-I-S-S-I-N-G

Kissing style is a personal preference, but I think it is most heavily influenced by your first few kissing partners. 

My first kiss was with a red-head named Kyle.  We were playing basketball and he was helping me with my form and then….

There have been a few bad kissers since Kyle.  I think everyone has at least one horror story.  There was one guy who “kissed” by brushing his mouth against mine, but there was no fine movement, he moved his entire head.  From an outside view, I think it loosely resembled a passionate Hollywood-style kiss, but from my point of view it was just confusing.  He is married now and I wonder if his style ever changed.   

I saw an article on MSN yesterday.  Guys, Are you a Bad Kisser?

The tip that I linked too is the most common one that I hear from lady friends.  Just remember, as with most intimate activities: it is all about the hands. 

The other most popular preference I hear from ladies is this one.  Don't be delicate.

You should be 100% sure that a kiss is desired before pulling this move, or else it becomes a horror story for the other party. 

If you ever hear your kissing partner say “let’s try it like this” you are in trouble.  Pay attention or else you risk being talked about and imitated at the next happy hour. 

Pick Up Line

Something must be in the air here in Minnesota.  I met a nice man outside a restaurant last night.  Here is our conversation.

“Hey girl, you look nice.  Good thing you are wearing those nice boots, it is cold out!”

::Follows me into the breezeway, still smoking his cigarette::

“Girl, what’s your name, my name is Dion.”

“Hi, I’m Megan.”

“Well Megan, what size feet you got in them boots?”

“Nine’s.”

“Are they a wide nine, or really narrow?”

“Regular, I guess.”

“I bet you have those nice toes that are all the same length too.”

“Um, I think one is actually longer than the others.”

“mmmhmmm. I bet they are painted a really pretty pink too.”

“Actually, they are.”

“Well Megan, you enjoy your night and thank you for wearing those boots.”

Do you think he has a foot fetish?

Date Night

I had a date on Sunday.  It was not a first date, or even the third date.  A specific plan was never established, but the general idea involved dinner and a movie, maybe some bar games if we felt like it. 

I showed up in jeans, wellies, and a chambray button up.  My date opened the door and was wearing dress pants, a sweater, and a tie. 

Apparently he was in the mood to go someplace nice.  His thought was since “You always look nice” I did not need to be alerted to the upgrade in venue. 

Shoot.  The time I really go for casual totally backfired on me. 

We went to dinner at the fancy place and still received excellent service and delicious food.  Halfway through the bottle of wine I stopped feeling bad about my outfit. 

Word to the wise:  if you want to take your girl out to a nice place, tell her before she gets dressed. 

Pick-Up Lines

Pick up stories.  Every girl has a few that are share worthy.  Here is a new one from my library.

I was at a concert on Friday night with a group of friends.   I was chatting with some people who were part of our group.  In the middle of the chatting, one man interrupted and said: “You are fing gorgeous.  Who are you?  Are your panties dirty, because you can wash them on these...” and then lifted up his shirt to show me his 54 year old hairy beer belly and rubbed it.

My friend happened to tune into the exchange and catalogued it as (one of) The Most Amazing Moments of His Entire Life.

It does not make my list.

The bold approach is a risky one.  Keep it classy and you might have more success.   

Valentine's Day Rules

So I wrote a meandering post about Valentine’s Day, but I did not give you the rules.

Here you go.

1.       Never refer to today as “Singles Awareness Day”

2.       Women can buy flowers for men

3.       Jewelry is never a bad idea

4.       Cooking at home is better than going out

5.       Chocolate in bed should be of the candy variety, not syrup

6.       You must recognize the holiday on the 14^th even if the celebration is happening later

7.       Do not fake it

8.       Partners should be equal participants in the celebration

9.       There is no “Happy Belated Valentine’s Day” card.  Plan ahead.

10.   Do not get engaged

 

If I have left anything out, let me know below.

Happy Valentine's Day!

What would a dating blog be without recognizing a polarizing holiday about love and heartsglitterflowersdiamondsbreakfastinbedandsurprisetripstoaprivateisland.

Some people are super into Valentine’s Day, some say they are not into it—but secretly are, and then there are those who use it as a day to do all of the things they should have been doing all along. 

Today can be looked at like Halloween:  everyone is expected to dress up and participate. You can celebrate by wearing a headband with cat ears on it, or by renting a Cleopatra costume.  Both levels of participation are just fine. 

My feeling on the day are of the “headband variety.”  Today is not a big deal.  That once got miscommunicated to a reluctant boyfriend to mean that I did not want to recognize it at all.  Valentine’s Day is the same day every year.  There is time to at least buy a card and sign your name. 

Today is not a day for you to sit back and judge your partner on how much effort goes into celebrating your love.  That should be happening every day J  If you do not have a partner to judge, judge yourself on how well you love yourself. 

This year I looked forward to the holiday more than I did last year when I had a boyfriend.   If it is a day about love, why not spread it around?  I made valentines with a girlfriend and sent them out to friends and family and shared them with coworkers.   I had to pay for priority shipping to the out-of-towners because I hate going to the post office.  

Carrie Bradshaw’s famous quote is quite appropriate for today:

“But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.”

I am really looking forward to a mani/pedi tonight.  By myself.   I also have champagne chilling in the fridge.  Boom.  Valentine’s Day = made. 

First Date Story

I went on a date a few weeks ago.  It was with this guy.  I will highlight the fact again that he was 24 years old. 

The plan was to go swing dancing.  To be fair, I changed the plan at the last minute.  It was 9:00 on a Thursday night and I was hungry and tired and the weather was crummy.  I called to let him know I was home from my earlier plans (not making more than a single plan in a night is a hard lesson for me to learn).  I was really hoping that we could just reschedule.  No such luck.  Being young and in undergrad means that 9:00 on a Thursday is just the start of a night.  We finally settled on him picking me up for dinner. 

He came to the door, rang my doorbell walked me to the car and shut my door for me.  We went to the restaurant and chatted.  I had wine.  He had lemonade. He played up the future doctor angle, being close with his family, the fact that he has a female roommate, his accomplishments in high school and junior league hockey, and his disappointment in not going dancing. 

Then the bill came.  I am usually pretty quick with my wallet, especially on the first date.  I must have been the fastest one at the table because my card was out and picked up by the server before my date even made a move.   I signed the bill when it came back, then my date picks it up to see the total and throws a twenty dollar bill in the middle of the table and said, “here.”  For a future doctor, his math skills were not that great. Twenty did not cover half, if that was his intention.  I said ah no, don’t worry about it, you can keep that. 

If he had put the twenty in along with my card, that would have been ok.  It would have even been kind of ok if he did not attempt to pay at all.  Throwing money on the table was not ok.  It was awkward. 

I have not heard from him since. 

Gentlemen, if you are going out with a lady and plan on either picking up the tab or contributing, do so much earlier in the payment process. 

The Talk

When to have “The TALK” is always a tricky decision.  It is usually driven by the girl in the situation.  It usually comes from insecurity.  After you have been dating with coupons and “watching movies” with someone for awhile, it is natural to want to know where you stand and if you can put a title on it to start the next steps of creating a relationship.

I have a new opinion on “The TALK.”  Do not have it.  You cannot make someone be your boyfriend.  I tried that one time and it was a disaster for the entire year it lasted. 

Be yourself and treat the relationship however you want to.  Create what you want to have by what you do.  I think that if you want to be exclusive, be exclusive yourself.  If you want to develop emotional intimacy, open yourself up to it. Tell your own story and listen for theirs.    

It goes back to the idea of not chasing someone.  If expectations come up, be honest about what you feel and what you want and expect that the other person can do the same. 

Friends Know Best

When I got dumped  my last relationship ended, none of my girlfriends were sad about it.  They were concerned with my own feelings on it, but unanimously they all said that they did not think I was happy enough in it.

Friends always know best.  If your friends do not like your boyfriend/girlfriend, you should not like your boyfriend/girlfriend.  They may kindly let you rationalize and watch the next six months with resignation, but there will be an “I told you so” coming.  Friends always know when a breakup is needed.

If you do not like your partner’s friends, you should not be dating your partner. 

When your parents said that your friends are a reflection of you, they were telling the truth.  

Friends tell all and you should always listen. 

Interview with a Gentleman

Next in my series of interviews is a good friend who lives on the East Coast. He is 28, a middle child, owns his own place, wears great jeans, is the star player of a championship intramural basketball team, and has a strong dislike for PDA.

1.What are you judging on the first date?

Men judge...everything. The man should pick the first date location and as soon as they get together everyone is being judged, man & woman. Most important would be conversation topics; is she interesting? If she's not interesting, it'll quickly either become a short term engagement (sex), or, quickly wrap up. One slip up can ruin everything, so don't let the guard down.

2. What is your follow up procedure after a first date?

Depends on how the date went. A real good date is always great to follow-up with a "had a really great time tonight; hope to see you again soon" text. (At this point texting is ok, prior to first date texting is off-limits unless the woman initiates it). The days of playing games are over - so waiting a few days to call the girl is passé' -what are you waiting for? If you liked her and want to hang out again; why wait? Unless you're playing games and just want to hook up.

3. What do you really think about a girl who gives it up on the first date?

Most guys don't judge on this one way or another, although if you have sex on the first date all of their friends will know. (i.e. the only question a guy's guy friend asks him after a date "did you f*ck her?" don’t be offended, but that’s pretty much the extent of the conversation amongst men regarding their dates). Sex on a first date opens you up to a guy just hooking up with you and not calling again; but you should know if it went really well or not and then go from there. Looking at it separately, a girl that makes out with someone on the first date in public; big time turn-off & long-term issues. French-kissing on the dance floor or anywhere - ain't gonna work. Most of this stuff should take place in private. If a chick is making out with you in public, she's making out with other people in public. Can't be marrying that.

4. Do you carry a condom at all times?

Never, anyone carrying a condom is a douche-bag. Run from these men. Also, girls shouldn’t have condoms at their house; it makes them look like a slut. (never tell someone "it's ok, I have condoms") - for me, big time turn-off (unless she has a boyfriend and this is a sexual fling...then it makes sense that she has condoms). If no condoms at your house suck it up and don't have sex. If the first or second date goes really well there's plenty of stuff to do without sex, and for sure he'll come better prepared next time.

5. If you have been on a date recently, any good advice for the girls that come next?

Drink & have fun. Let the guy pick up the tab for dinner & early drinks, but there's nothing better than once you treat a girl right having her say 'let's grab a nightcap on me'. Guys should pay for most, but a girl who is confident, successful, and generous are hard to find and a big time turn on.

 

The Spark Theory

The Spark Theory is the idea that something intangible must exist between two people to create something worth nurturing.  

A spark is the feeling you get when you see their number pop up on your phone, as they walk into your house, or when you physically connect. 

There is a journey to falling in love, but a spark is needed to start lighting the path.  Attraction is not borne of a checklist or proximity.  Emotional fulfillment does not come from “winning” someone.  

Married people explain it as “I just knew.” 

Sparks can leave scars but you cannot have the fire/passion/warmth of a relationship without them. 

Friends with Benefits Part II

People have asked me to clarify what some rules are for a friendship with benefits. 

I cannot stress enough: This is not a stand-in boyfriend/girlfriend. 

You do not take them to weddings, office parties, or birthday parties. 

The only time they may meet your friends is if they are picking you up from the bar.  Even then, contact should be limited. 

Eat before you meet.  Dinner is rarely had together unless you have not eaten all day and need a cowboy burger to have the energy necessary for later.

There is no breakfast in the morning.  You can pick up coffee on your way home.  However a bottle of Gatorade is acceptable to swipe from the fridge.

Weeknight rendez-vous are for desperate times and should not be a habit. 

No regular patterns for visits should be established.

Text with a purpose. Do not just text to say hello, be ready to get together once you start the conversation.

The gag order that comes with marriage or a LTR does not apply.

You guys are friends.  Treat each other as such.  Do not be an asshole.  Do not be a bitch.  

Follow these rules and things should be fine.  If you have other rules to add to the list, put them below in the comments.