Paying for Dates

As I mention in many of my date posts, I pay for the first date.  Why is this?  Mainly it is because I am quick with my credit card and none of my dates has protested overmuch. 

When I got ready to pay on my last date, he asked me if paying made me more comfortable.  I admitted it did, but what I left out is that paying allows me to feel more comfortable with never contacting the man again.  Paying for a date is a power play.  It also signifies that I can actually pay for my own dinner/drinks/movie/bowling/brunch/triptothezoo.  That way it is clear that if he has his ish together I am not in it for the money, and if he does not have his ish together and has saved up for our date all week, he can blow the money at the bar on Friday and drown his sorrows when I do not call him back. 

Whoever pays for the first date has the control.  The other person is immediately in a bit of a debt to the pay-er 

So.  Gentlemen.  Pay for the date. Do not protest, just get the server’s attention and make sure the tab goes on your credit card.  If you get there first, give your card to the server so the bill comes right to you and there is no question that you are taking care of it.

I have gone out on second dates when the man paid for the first.  I have not gone out on second dates when I paid for the first. 

Hey Sexy

I hate texting with strangers even more than I hate emailing with strangers.  I gave out my number to a 42 year old doctor because texting is easier for him.  Fine.  I will just imagine him saving lives and texting in between hand washings. 

The issue is his first text: “hey sexy”

I am cool with the phrase “hey sexy” when it is being said by my girlfriends or construction workers.  When it comes from a man who found me on the internet, its off-putting.  I judged it and him.  I am not a priss or a prude and I can appreciate some flirtatious back and forth. 

Sending “hey sexy” as a first text seems like something you would send at 12:30am when you are scheduling your backup plan if things did not work out for you at the bar that night.  This message was sent at 11am.  It also seems immature. 

Perhaps if I knew this guy better I would not judge it so harshly.  But he should have taken that “hey, we are strangers”  into account when he sent it, right? 

My advice:  A simple “Thanks for sharing your number.  How is your day going”  would have been enough to get the momentum going.  If you really want to get to know a girl and meet her in person, keep it classy. 

The New Normal

Is there a new normal that we should be aware of?  Listen to yourself in conversation while you talk about people of the opposite sex that you may be interested in.  How often do you say something like “she/he seems pretty normal”  and then go on to talk about their normal job, normal apartment, quirky friends, admirable hobbies, and so on. 

And then when it ends it’s usually because they were either a. An Asshole or B. A bitch. 

What happens in-between time?!

In the dating process I find myself struggling to find someone that I could even say “he seems pretty normal.”  I am finding a lot of what I would judge as “losers”

Is loser the new normal?  Or is the end of the internet just a popular place for men that are not my type? 

Formula for Success

Admittedly it’s been a while since I have been on five dates with an individual.  This is the formula I have observed.

1^st date: Cocktails (or coffee)

2^nd date: Bowling (I now own my own bowling ball)

3^rd date: Brunch

4^th date: Fancier dinner, usually out, it can also be prepared at home

5^th date:  "Watch a movie" at either of your houses

After that I would say that you have yourself a boyfriend and free rein to wear nothing but yoga clothes and eat takeout while watching Here Comes Honey Boo-Boo together. 

Does anyone have any additions to the formula? 

Does anyone need a non-formulaic suggestion?

McJudgerson

I think grammar is important. I was an English major in college. While I still do not know all of the comma rules, I do know some other rules. If you break these rules, I will judge you. If that is not scary enough, I likely will not respond to your message.  Now there's a threat. 
 

I doubt that I am the only one who feels this way.

 

Here are some red flags I look for.  Pay attention if you ever plan on asking me out. 
 

The correct use of There, Their, They're. This link explains it best

 

Examples:

Hello there! Look over there! I've been there before.

Their grammar is poor. Their picture is cute.

They're late. They're going to the movies tonight.

The correct use of Your and You're.  You're is a contraction of You Are. Your is possessive.

 

Examples:

You're cute.

Your profile is interesting. What is your favorite book?

 

And finally... the correct use of LEND and BORROW. I cannot believe how many people know this rule and continue to use the words in the incorrect form.

 

Example:

Can I borrow your sweater?

Sure, I can lend you my sweater.

 

Take notes. Bookmark this post. I am serious.