Default Dating

I had my date with the guy my friendspulled for me.  I had suggested five places and he picked the time and place.  8pm.  A Monday.  A well known cocktail bar. 

I wore jeans, boots, and a sweater. 

Turns out, my date really only drinks rum and cokes.  This bar has a famous bartender, award winning drinks, and a whiskey/scotch list that is worth drooling over.  He manned up and got a scotch, I had a tasting flight.  And then I finished his scotch for him.

We had plenty to chat about.  He did tell me that he has never met a group of ladies who are “so real” and funny and attractive in a group before.  Aww.  He likes my friends!  Since I was the only single one in the group, I was the lucky one who got the follow up date.

I paid for the drinks at the first stop.  Apparently this put him in my debt (obviously) but he did at least ask if it was important for me to pay on “the first date.”  I would say it is important because it is something to judge him on.  He failed.

My date suggested we move to a different bar, and suggested it be someplace close to my house.  I am debating if this kindness was because of my early morning the next day, or if he thought being close to my house would increase his chances of being invited over. 

The conversation was good, but I think he thought my sense of humor was off, because when he would say something “funny” he would always follow up with, “I’m just joking.”  Yeah buddy.  I get it.

I think I raised his…hopes… when we had a mini (very mini) makeout session in the parking lot.  I know kissing styles can be modified,  but … I would prefer that my new boyfriend comes fully compatible in that area.    

We went our separate ways and I let him know that he was in charge of the next date.  It has been three weeks and I have not heard a word.  I would have gone on the second date, he did owe me, but likely not a third.

Wing Girls

I was out with some girlfriends last weekend for our monthly night out.  They are all beautiful….and taken.  Typically we go to dive/hipster bars for the people watching.  The point isn’t to pick men up, no matter how many of us are single.  This week was different.  My girlfriends found me a man at the bar. 

It started the way flirtations do in elementary school.  He was across the bar wearing a  pale yellow v-neck t-shirt that was clearly out of place at this bar.  His blond hair and dimples made him an easy target for assessment.  Apparently from twenty feet away and over the bar karaoke and, he heard us talking about him.   He put on a hoodie, zipped it up to his chin and came over to defend his fashion choices. 

He was charming, witty, funny, and attractive.  When his wing-girl came over to make sure things were going well, she polled my friends and I. 

“who think’s he’s cute” ß we all raised our hands.

“who’s single” ß only I raised my hand.

Ding ding ding! 

We hung out until bar close and our date was scheduled for Monday. 

The good thing is that my friends have already given him the thumbs up.  And if they could, they would tie me up and stuff me in a trunk to go on the date in my place J 

Saying Yes

In the spirit of saying “yes” I have started giving out my phone number more when I am at a bar out and about.  Here is a story about what can happen when you give out your number to strangers. 

My phone rang on Monday night around 6:30.  Since I get a lot of work calls forwarded to my cell phone, I picked it up. 

“Hello, this is Megan.” Super professional.

“Hey Megan, how’s it going?” Friendly, feels more like a social call. 

 “Doing well, just on my way home from work, how are you?”  Buying time and trying to get a clue about who this is.

“Yeah, just heading home from class, I had a lab today, blah blah blah.”  Yeah, I have no idea who this is.

I kept asking questions so I did not have to embarrass myself  by asking “wait, who is this?” five minutes into the phone call.  I found myself admitting that I was free the next night.  To a total stranger.

He asked if we could go swing dancing for our date. Ding ding ding!  It was one of my dance partners from NYE.  He looked like Brad Pitt from 1993 and had his face painted like an Avatar (it was a thing at the bar that nhight) and he danced like he was in the movie Strictly Ballroom.  Oh, and he is 24.  

I had ignored a text from him earlier this week asking the same question.  But then I realized that when a man invites you out dancing, you should say yes. 

A Second Date

I went on the second date with the guy I was set up with by my sister and his sister.  The title of this blog is not “My Second Date Stories” but I thought this one deserved a blog reference.  

There was a question a few weeks ago about when to go on a second date if you do not think there is a spark. I decided this guy deserved a second chance, he had seemed a little nervous on the first date and it was our sisters idea that we go out in the first place.  I had the time and availability, why not say “yes.”  

My original instinct was correct—no spark.  We spent quite a bit of time discussing fishing.  Luckily (toot toot),  I can hold my own in a fishing conversation having a fascination with going ice fishing (winter date idea?!) and the fact that I won a fishing contest three summers ago.  Even though I could hold my own, discussing fishing while I eat a swordfish steak is not my idea of good table talk. 

I did not give my best date. I wanted to see if he would step-up his game and if he did not, I wanted to manage his impression of where I was in the interest level.  
   
Overall, I think first impressions are the right impressions.  I was happy to go on this second date. I do feel bad that I let him pay for the dinner.   

The nice thing to do is to cut things off before you know how he compares to the theory and he learns what is under your push-up bra. 

 

McJudgerson

Sometimes I think internet dating sites are just a giant opportunity to build my own boyfriend.  I only want to see profiles of men over 6’2”, nonsmoker, is single (hey, it is an option to pick someone who is not single) live in my city, and has graduated from at least a four year accredited college.  BTW if you fit this profile and want to grab a drink or coffee, hit the bowling lanes, visit a trendy restaurant, impress me with your cooking and then watch a movie together, leave me a comment!

 I look at all of these profiles and what I mean by “I look at all of these profiles” is that I look at all of their profile pictures.   I am judging every match by his cell phone self portrait or a badly cropped photo where I try to decide if I am cuter than the girl who’s clavicle is still in the picture. 

Is that ok?  There should be some baseline attraction, but a person is so much more than their profile picture.  Do their essay’s referencing zombies or no drama lifestyle do a person justice?  Short of emailing everyone who shows up on the search page, how do you discriminate? 

In real life it seems that couples get to know each other in every dimension.  As a result, the outer package can matter less because of what we all learned in kindergarten: It is what is inside that matters. 

Is there a way to get inside on the internet? 

One of these does not belong with the other…

I was on a date last week, and before I recap it, I have a great takeaway to share with all of you.  Do not go on a date on YOUR BIRTHDAY!  Do not go on a date the day after YOUR BIRTHDAY!  Do not go on a date the day before YOUR BIRTHDAY.  I found myself on a date a few  years ago on what the guy claimed was his 30^th BIRTHDAY!  It was a Tuesday night or something and I felt bad that he was on a first date on HIS BIRTHDAY.  So after our one drink and appetizer, the plan morphed into a romantic walk around a sculpture garden and then out to a bar for his favorite drink.  While there he insisted we play erotic picture match ‘em.  What was I going to say?  It was HIS BIRTHDAY.   I finally put my foot down when he asked for a birthday kiss.  On my way home I realized I should have asked to see his ID. 

If you ever find yourself in the same situation, just claim it’s your birthday too. 

I only bring that up because my date last week mentioned that his birthday was the night before.  There was some reluctance to go on the date in the first place.  Mainly because he worked out of state and was only in town on the weekends.  Therefore the date had to be on a Friday night.  Here is another takeaway for you.  Do not go on a first date on a weekend evening.  When people ask me if I am free on a Friday or Saturday night for a first date, the answer is always no.  But this time, I had to say yes if I wanted to see what dating a chef was like. 

I will save you the trouble of experiencing it for yourself.  I got no cooking tips, recipes, or restaurant secrets.   I do not think he was that impressed with my job either.  When I told him what I did he rolled his eyes and said, “You’re like the seventh girl who I’ve met that does that.  Is there like, a lot of money in that?”  Um.  Was he piling on a wage discrepancy on top of a recent birthday to get me to pick up the tab on our Friday night date?  Whatever.  It worked.  I paid and left. 

 

You should say Yes

How embarrassing. Not only am I trolling for dates on the internet, I'm going to write about them for everyone to read.

We've all heard about the woman who made a vow to say "yes" to every date she was asked on. She found true love. Check out The Year of Yes here: http://www.amazon.com/Year-Yes-Maria-Dahvana-Headley/dp/1401308724

I've decided to do something similar. I am putting myself on an Internet dating site, I am going to say yes to my "gentleman callers", and I am going to do some of my own asking.

Since this is not my first rodeo, I have some idea of the treasures of humanity that await me. I tried writing out a few of the highlights, but they looked innocuous once I listed them. Lives with his parents? No big deal really; frozen pizza is his favorite food? We all have some low brow guilty pleasures. Drives a semi truck? Cool, he has a job.

As of yet, I don't have set expectations for what I want out of this adventure.  Except for the adventure of dating itself.  There is nothing in the world like the feeling before a first date. We can explore these in a different post.

My profile has been active for a week. I have my first date next week.  Is that slow?  Whatever.  Build it and they will come. 

Obvious Question:  Do I disclose this blog to my dates?