A Do or A Don't

Carrying condoms.  A Do or a Don’t?

What is the judgment on a man carrying a condom in his pocket/wallet/jacket? 

A.      Safety First

B.      What a MORE

C.      At least he is prepared  

D.      It is his job to supply the condom

After I judge I also wonder:

     A.      How old is it?  Is it better if it is old, or if it is new? 
     B.    How does he even know if I like that kind?  (Invariably, the condom that comes out to the bar is the super textured version which in my frank opinion, is not that pleasurable).

I guess the real takeaway is to not sleep with a guy that you met at the bar.  And if you do….. Have your own condoms on hand if you are worried about the brand/style/age/effectiveness of what he may supply. 

And do you know what do not work?  Cotton/lace condoms.  So be smart. 

Dating Dictionary

More.   Adjective.  

An abbreviation of the phrase “Man-Whore.”

Use it in a sentence:

I could tell he was a More by his dance moves.

He was such a More, he only called me after bar close. 

We all know More’s and maybe we even love them.  Just be careful. 

The Tingles

This is a follow up post to my Quick Like a Band-Aid post.   I should clarify that I was on the receiving end of the rejection in that story.  Apparently being with me did not give the guy a warm tingly feeling in his stomach, and that absence means that we will never get married and should not be dating.  Shoot. 

I was super shocked to get a phone call from him the night after he said he would not be calling me again.  I was imagining him realizing that he acted rudely the night before and was feeling badly and wanted to do something to make it right. I was unable to pick up at the time and a few minutes later I got a text from him. 

“I was just seeing if you wanted to come over…Make out for awhile or something”

Really?! 

I guess I inspire tingles elsewhere. 

The Importance of Courting

Courting is an old fashioned term for something that I fear is becoming old fashioned.  Courting is more than dating.  It is not about the romance quotient in a relationship. Courting is making everyday life something special with the person that you are in a relationship with. 

Making breakfast for your girl on a Sunday morning should not stop after you have seen each other naked seventeen times.  Even better, make breakfast on a Tuesday morning.   Leave a note in a bagged lunch, tell them you like them in that shirt, blow dry your hair in a room that will not wake him up in the morning, put their slippers on their feet when they have forgotten, kiss her cheek instead of her lips, redbox a movie he has been wanting to see, help before you are asked. 

It is important to have a balance in a relationship and in the courting process.  Courting is not a contest, it is not graded on a point system, and it is not to be used as a bargaining tool.  

Courting is having grand gestures, small gestures, words, and actions come together to communicate the state of your relationship. 

If you find yourself doing all of the courting, you are in trouble. 

Dating on a Budget

It is acceptable to choose a place based on their $5 appetizers or two for one drinks. These are not coupons, these are "specials."

What about Groupon on a date.  Are they a Yea or Nay?  With careful set-up, I am voting Yea.  Coupons on a first date are a no.  Coupons on a second date are a no.  Coupons on the third date are a maybe. 

My opinion is that a coupon can be a good excuse for a date.  “Hey, I have a Groupon for a sushi place I’ve been interested in checking out. Do you want to go this week?”  

If you have not told your date you have a coupon, you are not allowed to pull it out when the check comes.

If it is a Groupon for a couples portrait session, you better just borrow my cat for it. 

Quick Like Band-Aid

Here is a helpful post about how to end things with someone.  This is for those situations where it is not a break-up but you can no longer comfortably disappear off the face of the earth. Start with these nine  words: “I don’t think we should see each other anymore.” Say this immediately after saying hello so there is no confusion that you may be calling to plan a date. 

Then throw her/him a bone.  Say something like, “I really do like you.” Follow this with a “But Statement.”  The but statement gives everyone something to feel good about (the phrase that precedes the But) and still allows you tell the harsh truth;  “but I’m just not feeling it.” My rule on those “But Statements” is that it will  negate everything that immediately preceded it.    As my girlfriend says: Damn the but.

After you clarify that casual movie watching (my blog metaphor for sex)  is for sure not on the table, and in the middle of the other person jabbering about their own feelings on the situation, get yourself off the phone as quickly as possible.  Ending the conversation with 100% honesty is really important and the other person should thank you for managing their expectations so clearly, yet gently.  Something like, “I’ve got to run, I’ll call you later.  Actually, no, I probably won’t.”

Six minutes and six seconds later, you will be back in the game.  Without the recipe for delicious cookies that were delivered warm to  your house last week. 

Good luck with your calls! 

A Second Date

I went on the second date with the guy I was set up with by my sister and his sister.  The title of this blog is not “My Second Date Stories” but I thought this one deserved a blog reference.  

There was a question a few weeks ago about when to go on a second date if you do not think there is a spark. I decided this guy deserved a second chance, he had seemed a little nervous on the first date and it was our sisters idea that we go out in the first place.  I had the time and availability, why not say “yes.”  

My original instinct was correct—no spark.  We spent quite a bit of time discussing fishing.  Luckily (toot toot),  I can hold my own in a fishing conversation having a fascination with going ice fishing (winter date idea?!) and the fact that I won a fishing contest three summers ago.  Even though I could hold my own, discussing fishing while I eat a swordfish steak is not my idea of good table talk. 

I did not give my best date. I wanted to see if he would step-up his game and if he did not, I wanted to manage his impression of where I was in the interest level.  
   
Overall, I think first impressions are the right impressions.  I was happy to go on this second date. I do feel bad that I let him pay for the dinner.   

The nice thing to do is to cut things off before you know how he compares to the theory and he learns what is under your push-up bra. 

 

Interview with a Gentleman

I wanted to learn more about romance, so I went to a good friend of mine and asked some simple questions. This gentleman is my go-to for answers on men and what is real and what is likely my crazy talking. 1.       Is romance dead? Is there any way for it to be not corny?
Romance is not dead at all. You can always find a unique way to show feelings. Sometimes romance can just be learning something new about each other. Romance is what you make it. If all you think of are movies, chances are it will be cheesy. Cheesy can be ok, but be sure to have wine and lingerie.

2. Who's job is it to be romantic? (for sure the man or for sure the woman's or eww romance)
Romance should not be a job. I learned long ago when you think of things as a job, you dread the work. Think of it as an adventure. When you are trekking through the jungle you both are scouting out new places and the scenery. Watch out for lions, tigers and bears.

3. What qualifies for a romantic gesture in your (a man’s mind)? (ie what do you do that you feel is romantic, and what has a woman done for you that has felt romantic)
To me,  romantic gestures can be simple as good morning and listing to the day-to-day life. However, we all want something bigger. I say something out of the normal routine is your best bet to make a lasting impression. Think of something you have not done, or have not done in awhile, and do it. My most memorable romantic gesture was a simple weekend trip. It was a trip to spend time together  with no agenda or people to see. Simply taking in the scenery and enjoying the moment and each other.

4.Do you appreciate when a woman does a romantic gesture, grand or otherwise?
I can appreciate a romantic gesture. Cards, notes and texts can go a long way.  

5.Any romantic stories that just make you cringe looking back on it now?
We all are young and learn from trial and error. Always get a second opinion before going through with a grand gesture. We all are better off with a reality check.  That is all I am going to say about that. 

 

How to pick 'em

Some things you know intrinsically and some things you learn through trial and error. 
 

To save all of you some precious time while you are on the dating merry go round, just waiting for the right stallion to come along, here are some lesser known signs that point to good boyfriend  potential:

1.       He has had a girlfriend for more than nine months within the last eighteen months.  See my post below on the theory of who makes a good lover.

2.       He cooks dinner for himself every night and packs a lunch for work.  Hello.   A man who cooks for himself can easily cook for two. 

3.       He has sisters.  Therefore he knows how to survive while living with a girl. 

4.       The sink is clean in his bathroom.  Explains itself.

5.       He does not consistently speak with all of his exs, but doesn’t hate them either.

6.       He has a pet.  Therefore he has the capacity to love unconditionally.

7.       There is artwork hung in his home.  Think of the honey-do list. 

8.       He still wants to hang out when you are not feeling well.

9.       You are torn between wanting to talk to him and wanting to watch movies make out with him. 

10. He knows that no means no and yes means OHMYGODLETSDOITRIGHTNOWOHGODYESYESYES
 

If you have picked up on other tell tale signs of a good boyfriend, please share them!

Another Theory

This post is the only time you will see the words “shorter, smaller, quicker” on my blog in reference to being a good thing for men in bed. 

My girlfriends and I have a new theory.   You may remember the last theory I shared with you here.

Men who have been in long term relationships are better lovers. 

Women always start out a physical relationship by telling lies (ohhh,  that was amazing ) in bed.  When a man starts hearing phrases suggested by magazine headlines such as, “Let’s try it like this” you know the secrets to her universe are being revealed. 

The ladies I talked to have found that the training and learning curve is much shorter, smaller, and quicker for men who have had a long term, monogamous, relationship.  A serial dater likely will not know the difference between performance art and genuine success no matter how many “day dates” they have been on. 

You might still tell a few lies in the beginning, but at least you are farther along in the training process.

* A special ‘Thank You’ goes out to the ladies who tossed those well trained men back into the dating pool. 

Dating Dictionary

Day Dating.  Verb.

The practice of starting and ending a whole relationship in a single span of time not to exceed 24 hours. 

The majority of the time spent getting to know each other takes place at a bar and then moves into the back of a taxi cab, against the front door, and under the covers. 

Use it in a sentence: 

I was so good at day dating when I was 25. 

             I day dated this weekend, I think she had red hair, but I can’t remember! 

I day dated a ton after my last breakup, but now I am pretty tired of it.

Day dating is like living in the movie Groundhogs Day.  You will forget that it even happened and continue to repeat the same mistakes until you tire of the game and become the person who deserves the man/woman of your dreams.   

First Date Story

I had a blind date on Monday.  Shocking I know.  This one was set up by our respective sisters who were neighbors for two weeks in this hospital with new babies.  Apparently they spent some time talking about their siblings and thought we should meet. 

I sent The Brother a quick email introducing myself.  I kept it vague but did reference a little of my resume: I enjoy checking out different places and events around town and I have some hobbies that keep me busy. I am pretty active during the week after work and use the weekend to recharge, though I am not opposed to weekend plans either. Oh, and I have a cat named Dolly. Let me know if you want to learn more or if you'd like to jump right in and plan a date.

Luckily, he wanted to jump right in.  We arranged to meet at a hotel bar halfway between our respective workplaces.  In this part of town, there is not much else to choose from.  The date had gotten there first (early) and gotten us a table in the back.  Since the bar was empty, the hostess very sweetly came up to me and asked if I was Megan let me know my date was waiting for me in the third booth.  Thanks hostess.  I could not have found him on my own. 

The date went along pretty smoothly.  Conversation was typical of a first date.  I was thankful for that because I really knew nothing about him.  We chatted about our sisters, new nieces, work, favorite restaurants, college,  wine tasting, hobbies, sibling dynamics, the upcoming holidays, and books. A nice thing I learned is that he is close with his family, particularly with his two younger sisters.  I think that it is more telling to look at how a man treats his sisters, rather than his mother, to see how he would treat a girlfriend.  Sisters can educate a brother on how the world works for women which can really cut down on the boyfriend training when you choose one of these men. 

I broke my own dating rule and had double booked myself with a second social commitment later that night.  Ninety minutes is long enough to budget for a first date so I did not feel too bad about having a set end time.  I was actually on-time for the date, so do not worry, no one got cheated. 

I was glad I got to meet this guy and I was thankful to my sister for thinking of my dating life while she had her hands full with many other things.  I found myself in the same quandary a reader had a few weeks ago; I am not feeling a romantic spark, and I have enough friends; do I invest in a second date? 

My tips for him:  Keep it up.  Do not be so nervous.   Try to reference your sisters even more frequently so your date knows that you are really that good of a brother and therefore prospective boyfriend.