How to conduct yourself at a bar

Here are a few quick tips that I learned at middle school dances that I think translate well to the bar scene. 

1.       Do not huddle in a large group. 

I get it, you want that cute guy across the bar (who, come on, is probably a doctor) to think you are super cool and the most popular girl at the bar.  However, you need to be accessible.  Break off into a group of no larger than three.  This also increases the chances that the doctor will buy all three of you a drink; they get a free drink to dull the pain of rejection and you get a make-out partner on the dance floor. 

 

2.       Wear an outfit that you trust. 

If you have to ask your friends to keep an eye on any part of your outfit remaining in a advantageous state,  you should change.  It is guaranteed that you will have a clothing malfunction and it will not be your friends fault. 

 

3.       Keep the drink simple, yet sophisticated.

Ok, so I did not learn that in middle school (or did I…) but please, no drink with more than two ingredients.  And those two ingredients cannot be: rum and coke.    If you are not of age to be in a bar, that drink will give you away right quick.  And if you are of age and ordering that, you are signaling that you are immature and not ready for a relationship.  Or that you are only ready for a relationship that will have a lifespan of ten hours, which is not long enough to get breakfast in the morning. 

 

Any other advice?