Inbox Gem

When I feel like checking my messages for my online dating profile, I always have an eye out for cut and pasted email blasts.  Online dating is a numbers game, and  most of the guys have their strategy down.  A totally original message is rare.  The message below is a fine example of an email blast. 

This man at least puts in the effort to write three quick sentences at the beginning that seem to be directed to me and my profile.  The rest of the email….. take a look.

There appears, however, to be catch as the OKCupid overlords have determined that we are 3% Enemy. This super concerns me. I suspect that the OKCupid mainframes have meticulously decoded our personalities & incompatibilities and determined that we are reasonably compatible in every way except something like our opinion on "chaise lounge chairs" -- I love'em, you hate'em, and a figurative blood bath may ensue upon a discussion thereof (e.g., Me: The chair is just so comfy /You: No, it's terrible, I can't get my legs to the ground -I'm trapped! / Me: Deal wit it! / You: No, you deal wit it and your face! / Me: That's something your mother would say.....).

It just occurred to me that I haven't said anything about myself besides what you've already picked up (e.g., this guy rambles a bit – especially, when he thinks he is being funny) so here's three fun/weird/stupid facts about myself: (1) I'm an Eagle scout, (2) I held all three of sister's triplets at the same time without dropping a single one (amazing, right?) when visiting for their baptism this last weekend, & (3) I once air-humped a big buck hunter machine and bruised my pelvis (a moment to be proud of).

So, what do you think about chaise lounge chairs? And, on a scale of 0 to 10, how terrible of a move was it to mention the bruised-pelvis-from-big-buck-hunter-

 

Well, sir.  I think the mistake came when you started thinking you were funny.  I hope the other thirteen girls you sent this to last night have the right opinion on chaise lounge chairs.