I read this article the other day:
It explores the dynamic of real adult relationships vs an
adult/child model. It’s a good
read.
Here’s a quick summary:
A
study of the romantic history of 58 adults aged 22-28 found that those who
avoid committed romantic relationships are likely a product of unresponsive or
over-intrusive parenting, says Dr. Sharon Dekel, a psychologist and researcher
at the Bob Shapell School of Social Work.
Dr.
Dekel and her fellow researcher, Prof. Barry Farber of Columbia University,
found that 22.4 percent of study participants could be categorized as
"avoidant" when it came to their relationships, demonstrating anxiety
about intimacy, reluctance to commit to or share with their partner, or a
belief that their partner was "clingy," for example. Overall, they
reported less personal satisfaction in their relationships than participants
who were determined to be secure in their relationships.
When
they enter relationships, there is an attempt to satisfy their unmet childhood
needs, Dr. Dekel explains. "Avoidant individuals are looking for somebody
to validate them, accept them as they are, can consistently meet their needs
and remain calm -- including not making a fuss about anything or getting caught
up in their own personal issues."
I would say that if a person describes the end of all past
relationships as the fault of the other person being too clingy, you have
caught one of the 22.4%. And if that is
why you have called things off with every partner, get yourself some
therapy.
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