Interview with a Gentleman

It is time for another interview with  Gentleman.  This one comes from someone that I have been friends with for about ten years and lives in Minnesota. He currently does have a girlfriend, but as you will see from his responses, he has a lot of good insight to share with the world about relationships and dating.

1. What are you judging on the first date?

Hmmm. This may seem rude, but personally if I am on a first date with a girl then I have probably already done some judging and she has made it past my pre flight checklist. Being secure in yourself is a must. Having dealt with insecure girls in the past, indications of insecurity are the first warning signs that I look for. Showing signs of willingness to do things, maybe stepping out of their boundaries of comfort is a surefire way get me interested.

I woke up one morning with a girl who I could hardly remember from the night before. Very awkward start but the ensuing morning conversations went very well. I noted certain contextual clues and decided she might be a fun girl to spend more time with. The next week, we planned to go out on a "date". It was planned as golfing but then turned out to be cliff jumping at the last minute. I don't think I was really her type as we never went out again, but the fact that she met me prepared to go golfing and then I suggested cliff jumping (which she had never done) and made it happen by stopping at Wal Mart for some shorts and sports bra gave her HUGE points in my book. Best first date I ever had. For the record, even though we never went out again I ran into her about a year later and she mentioned how much she loved the cliff jumping date.

So to answer your question, obviously she should be well put together and keep me engaged but it’s things like a passion for something or a zest for new experiences that will get a second date.

 

2. What is your follow up procedure after a first date? (text later that night, call the next day, email three days later, whatever.)

 

First of all, I would be hoping that the follow up would consist of getting or making breakfast in the morning, but if it didn't go that well then I guess there is really no cookie cutter approach for the follow up procedure.

I think that sometimes girls may be giving guys too much credit for the meaning of whether we get back in touch that night, the next day, or in a few days. Guys really aren't that cryptic. For me, if I really enjoyed myself that night and I think that I could see myself associated with the girl for awhile, then I have been known to send a nice text that evening telling her that I really enjoyed her company and would love to see her again. That would be an absolute 10 out of 10 for the date, as in the girl really knocked me off my feet.

If the date went fairly well and I would like to see her again I'll get in touch with her over the next couple of days, but there is no game being played as to whether that is the next day or in a couple. That can all be dictated on my schedule, other intangibles in my life, etc. I am more of a phone call person myself, but can recognize if a text is appropriate. I would have to have at least a mild history with the person in order to have their email address, so I don't see that as part of the follow up procedure.

 

3. What do you really think about a girl who gives it up on the first date?

It completely depends on how it all goes down. If we are barely halfway through our second cocktail and she is grabbing my inner thigh under the table, then my mind is catapulted into getting one thing done. Will I consider it a successful date? Yes. Will I call her again? Most likely. Will I think she's a slut? Definitely. Then again, we've all been there. That place in our life were we just want to get some nookie and may not have a convenient alternative, nothing wrong with that.

I went through a period of time in my life where I pretty much only dated older women. It was great. Not only did they introduce me to some great places, but many times they would pick up the tab and it was always guaranteed action. That on top of the fact that they usually had such high involvement in the rest of their personal life that the date was really just a release and there was no drama outside of it, just a mutual understanding. Not at all emotionally fulfilling but just what I needed at the time.

Now let’s say the date goes really well. We both hit it off perfectly, things are progressing. We're already out well past the time that either one of us had planned and we end up getting physical together. Do I think this girl is a slew bag? Not at all. Regardless of whether we go out again or not at all. We had a fantastic night together and it turned a bit carnal. No negative judgment on that. The exception to this rule is if she has a boyfriend. Then, even if we had an unbelievable first date and eventually dated for a significant amount of time that seed is always planted in the back of my head. So, even if you know that you are going to break up with someone you are officially dating be sure to make that happen before you start getting down with a new partner, otherwise that will be held against you forever.

 

4. Do you carry a condom at all times?

 

No I don't. I can see why some guys do, I just never have. I keep some at home and I'm pretty sure that there are some in my car, but I just have not been one of those guys that always has them. There have definitely been instances where I wish I was one of those guys.

Also, speaking for myself, no negative thoughts on girls who keep a stock of rubbers. I think that people lose the sight line that many times it means the person is safe, smart and prepared. Not just sexually rampant.

 

6. If you have been on a date recently, any good advice for the girls that come next?

Only every cliché thing you can think of. Be able to participate and move forward the conversation.

One of the last dates that I was one was with a girl who knew my buddy’s girlfriend. She was drop dead gorgeous; we actually had a lot in common and even got into a high school style make out session. Don't let that fool you, the date sucked. Even though we shared a lot of interests and knew some of the same people, the girl could not carry on the conversation. It was like pulling teeth. So, I didn't call her again and I hear a couple of weeks later from a mutual friend that she had a great time on our date and really wanted to see me again. Sorry, not going to happen.

Share what you are passionate about. I feel that too many dates get into trying common ground to talk about. I like the opposite. If she is passionate about something that I don't know much about, it is usually very interesting. Be prepared to at least offer to split the date. Even though I would never let the date to pay unless it is strictly platonic, she also should not have the expectation that it’s going to be covered.